Being Father
by Katzenaugen
Summary: Barret had died and Tifa wants to adopt Marlene and Denzel. But adopting without a husband is not really going to work. Cloud volunteers reluctantly. Will he accept the role as a father? [Cloud x Tifa]
1. Adopting

**Being father**

Adopting

**(Tifa POV)**

I had finally decided. I loved them, as if they were my own. Just that I never actually gave birth to them, hell how would that have been possible, I was only 22. Yet, they had grown to me so much. Denzel ha dno parents anyways and as for Marlene, Barret had died just half a year ago. Things had gotten really hard since then. Marlene would rarely exit her room to eat or talk to anyone. I even saw in Clouds eyes, the sadness and sorrow. I can't say I was not sad myself, but I knew, that I had promised Barret to take care of them. And I would. Not only to keep this promise, but because I wanted to. So I had gotten my hands on the adoption forms. I knew adopting was hard, but I was confident it might be easier as they had already lived with me and everything. "I am leaving." I yelled upstairs as I flung the door open and stepped outside. Outdoors was throbbed with autumn. I could feel the pulse of the deep-blue skies with every leaf wrenched off its twig and whirled by the wind. I used to love this time of the year, but now after everything that had happened, this rather dark time of the year just gave me a headache. But today, I was actually happy. Today was the day that was supposed to change a lot not only in mine, but also in their lives.

As I entered the building, my limbs suddenly felt really heavy. This adoption center was more crammed than I had thought. Loads of people, some even with children were standing around. I approached a young woman with a baby in her arms and what I thought to be her husband next to her. "Good Morning" I greeted friendly. "Good Morning." I was greeted back. "Alone here?"

I nodded. As the woman raised an eyebrow at me I grew suspicious. "Why?" I asked curiously raising an eyebrow back at her. "Well…uhm." She began and swiftly looked at the man next to her and back at me. "Where is your husband?"

"Husband?" I asked.

"Yes. You have one, don't you?" she asked me, rubbing the babys back.

"Uhm…no. Why? Do I have to?"

The woman chuckled nervously. "Well, how to say….It's hard to adopt without a father or proof of a steady relationship. They fear you might not be capable of taking care of the kid. I am here for the second time already. Last time they wouldn't have agreed as my income was too low." She explained to me nervously almost regretful.

"Oh…I had no idea. I guess." I hesitated. "I can go again then." Slowly I turned around. What had made me so happy was suddenly take away like a thousand bubbles blown away by the wind. "Heh, thanks." I chuckled nervously. I saw the sad expression on the woman's face. Never knew it was this hard. But where to get a husband from now?

I was lost in thoughts. Entering the bar again, I felt like coming home into an empty house. What was I to tell them? 'Sorry I can't adopt any of you two because I am not married?' It sounded so ridiculous to me, I almost had to laugh. Yet it was the truth. Like in trance I fetched a towel and started cleaning dishes. What else was there to do? I would just go on doing my every day stuff. Just that I was not mother.

"Why that face?" a deep male's voice asked me. My head spun around as I finally recognized the blonde messy hair. Cloud.

"It's nothing." I shrugged, pretending to be busy washing a mug.

"Come on. Tell me. I can see there's something wrong. What about your plans of adopting by the way?"

"Euhm…" I started and only rubbed the mug faster. By now I had polished it until the letters written on it would come off. "It didn't work out." I admitted, not looking up.

"W-Why?" stammered Cloud. I saw his face filled with surprise as I took a quick glimpse.

"Because I am not married." I grunted and threw the towel away. I turned around and leant against the counter.

"And what if you just pretend to be married?"

"Pretend?" I asked startled. "Hah!" it escaped my lips. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I am not. You just need a well faked certificate."

"And you can get ahold of one, eh?" I gibed.

"Yes." He assured me. "I think I know someone.

"And who is supposed to be the father?" I asked raising my eyebrow at him. I didn't believe it to be so simple.

"I don't know. I am sure someone would apply."

"Cloud…I can't just pretend to. He actually needs to be around." I sighed. "Someone, someone like…" I sighed deeply once again. "you." Deep inside, I would wish for him to be my man. And it if was just to call him my husband. Or tell my friends I was married with a handsome man like that.

"But hey, it's not like I think you'll do it." I pretended to be chuckling.

**(Tifa POV End)**

**(Cloud POV)**

Me? Father? You could just aswell make me was the dishes. I mean I like Denzel and Marlene a lot. But I was no good as a father. A father is someone you are supposed to look up to, someone you are supposed to adore and want to learn from. I had nothing to teach nor any good qualities. Barret had jus been best for the job. I lowered my head.

"I know, I know." She chuckled. "You and the father role just don't match." She told me, reached for another cup to dry.

I thought back at all the things we had seen together. Back at when I had found Denzel and had held him in my arms. It felt good, yes. But was it really so much to take this step? I mean the marriage was platonic, no worries about that. But what If they really expected him to be a father and are going to be disappointed when they find out he isn't. That he is not more than an angsty man, struggling between being a boy and growing up. As I had not much of my father, I wouldn't even know what exactly this role was to be like. I watched Tifa wash the dishes. You really want to be their mother, don't you? It's like females have it in their genes, protecting, caring just everything for their beloved children. Even if they are not their own. Could I really destroy her dream?

_All I want is that they are safe, Have food. I don't want them to be take away, Cloud. I want to give them the life they deserve. They are kids! They have all their future ahead. I don't want them to end up like me. I don't want them to grow up in some dirty cold building, bunched together with thousands of kids. I don't want them to be taken away from here, a place they call home!_

These were her words. And they continued ranging for a while inside my head. You really are determined, aren't you? You love those kids. I took one last glimpse at her sad face. "Alright. I'll do it." I finally agreed.

Tifa's face suddenly met mine, filled with joy. "You would really?!" she exclaimed.

"Yes." I nodded hesitatingly.

Tifa rushed around the bar's counter and hugged me. Withdrawing suddenly she looked into my eyes. "Thank you. You wont regret having chosen me to be your wife." She chuckeled.

Wife….

**(Cloud POV End)**

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So after long, my next Fan Fic. I know things might seem a little rushed, but I promise, I will try t make it just as good as my last AC Fic. Please leave reviews. I might update tomorrow if time allows me to.


	2. Mom and Dad

Mom and Dad

**(Tifa POV)**

It felt so good every time they called me Mom, it made my heart jump in joy. I was a Mum now. I was responsible for them. Would cook for them, buy them clothes, see them grow up. Beaming I turned around to face _my_ children. "Good Morning." I smiled as two half-asleep figures shuffled their feet into the kitchen where bacon and eggs were already prepared. "Good Morning." Denzel groaned back scratching the back of his head. "Where's…uh Dad." Marlene asked having noticed that the blond haired man was not present. Yeah, where is he? I spun my head around. My eyes searched the small kitchen. Not here. Just where is my husband?

**(Tifa POV End)**

**(Cloud POV)**

Not moving I lay in my bed. Had there always been so much dirt on the ceiling? I wondered. Never ever had I time to look up there. It was rare for me to sleep in this bed anyways. I didn't feel like getting up. Didn't feel like moving my feet. My body felt numb. Even moving a single finger felt like a bother to me. My body was numb, yet my brain was racing. Inside, my mind spun. It was like having a color wheel for a brain. Was it like this when you were in a coma? I couldn't move, yet I would recognize anything around me. I heard the cutlery in the kitchen, heard the children chatter. Even heard Tifa chuckle and laugh. But I did not hear myself, did not move.

After like what seemed like half an hour to me, I finally arose from my bed. Smell of old carpets filled the air.

"Good Morning." I mumbeled, pretending to be tired. "Didn't sleep well." I explained upon Tifa's confused yet a little worried look. Something made me feel uneasy. "Good Morning Dad." Denzel said with a small smile. Yes that was just it. Dad. I never had somebody to call Dad on my own and now they would call me Dad. I just did it for Tifa.

**(Cloud POV End)**

Tifa brought Cloud his food and with a pat on his shoulder and one last smile on the blonde haired's face she fetched Marlene's and Denzel's empty dishes and put them into the sink. "I'll clean them later. You go and get dressed, school starts soon." Tifa clapped her hands in order to make them move. "I'll…" she began but was cut off by the male's deep voice. "I'll clean the dishes. Don't worry."

"Uh Alright." Tifa stammered. "I guess, uh, I'll prepare lunch for the kids then." Turning around to the counter, she took some bread and ham and started preparing. Reluctantly Cloud started eating. Nothing would want to get down. It was like his stomach had cramped so much, nothing would be allowed through. "I never really eat breakfast, sorry." Cloud excused himself and rose from his chair, exiting the kitchen in a fast pace. "I'll go do some errands. I'll be back soon." Were his last words from the hallway, before Tifa heard the door slam shut.

"Well at least you tried eating breakfast with us." She smiled happily, yet sadness hit her face like cold water. "Was this really what you wanted?"

**(Cloud POV)**

So there I stood in front of the shop. I had barely ever done the shopping and now I even volunteered. I would usually only do them whenever Tifa was sick. Had I fled from what was now to be my home forever? I sighed one last time and then pushed the door open to the small grocery shop. Old women running around everywhere. Chattering could be heard. The air was warm and stale. It was in front of the fridge with all the deep frozen stuff, where I had come to a halt. Once again my body disagreed to be moving, yet my brain was working hard. I saw children calling for their Mommy and Daddy, as they called them. Clinging with their small hands to their parents. Trying to get their attention. Grabbing everything that was in their reach just to find their parents putting it back into place again. "Mom, can I have this?" I heard little girls and boys calling everywhere. Their voices where echoing in my head. I imagined little Denzel and little Marlene standing next to me, clinging onto my pants and asking for sweets. I felt bad. I felt cold. Finally the ice crushed and I could move my feet again. I had felt like frozen to the floor. "Are you ok, young man?" an old lady asked me, putting her glasses back into space to catch a clearer vision of me. "Yes, I am." I stammered. "I was just, uh, thinking what to buy for lunch."

"Ah, for your kids. Oh they love those little chicken wings. At least my grandchildren do." She answered wearily and smiled as much as her wrinkled face would allow her to. "Ah, thank you. I'll try." I answered swiftly, fetched two packs of these deep frozen stuff and hurried around the corner to all those soft drinks. Mum had not often allowed me one of those, I remembered. I felt hot, yet my hands were ice cold from having leant onto the freezer. I reached out for some mineral water and rested once again leaning against a shelf of little orange soft drinks. I waited for my heart beat to have calmed down. Today, I felt like being followed all day. Like something was running after me. Like I decision I was to make until the last ray of sun had shone onto earth. I was not sure when I had last felt like that. Maybe I was getting paranoid. Or no, lack of sleep was it. Or maybe I was just getting sick. I decided not to worry and made my way to pay and leave this place crammed with little children and old creepy ladies as soon as possible.

**(Cloud POV End)**

**(Tifa POV)**

I handed then their lunch packets and followed them to the main door. "Make sure you out your coats on, it might rain today." She said almost in a tone her mother always had. I smiled as they ran out of the door and headed for the school bus. You are taking Cloud.

I turned around again and began cleaning the kitchen. In my dreams I had often imagined to be a wife, cleaning the house, having a husband who would come home and say _'I am home, darling, how was your day?'_. But it was not like that. Not yet. One day, he would come inside, telling me just these words. I smiled and began washing the dishes. Yes, one day.

**(Tifa POV End)**

**(Cloud POV)**

Today I was here with the car. A fairly old Mercedes, but it drove perfectly still. Mostly due to me using my motorbike all the time. Tifa would like to go by foot. Just as I had opened the car and put the shopping bags inside, making sure they wouldn't fall over as I drove I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Cloud? Cloud Strife?"

I turned around and my eyes met a familiar face. Green eyes, blondish brown hair reaching a little below her shoulders. "Ashe!" it suddenly shook me. "It's been a while. What are you up to here?"

"Heh." She chuckled. "You haven't changed at all. I am just here for a while. Rent a little apartment not very far from here."

"I see." I stammered. Indeed she had not changed.

"And you? Never seen you around with the car." She giggled pointing at the Mercedes. "Doesn't resemble Fenrir a lot, other than it's colour - black."

"Y-Yes." I stammered and patted the cars front door. "But it's hard to carry shopping bags at the back of Fenrir." I explained.

"I can imagine." She gave me a small smile. "So what's new with you?" she asked, putting down her shopping back, placing it between her feet so it wouldn't drip.

My mind was racing once again. The colour wheel was going to take the best of me again. "Nothing at all." I pressed through my lips. "Still same old me."

"Oh? Yeah nothing new with me either, I believe." She pulled her jacket faster around herself as the wind started blowing again. "So what about Tifa? How is she? Still living with the orphans?"

"Yes." I nodded reluctantly. "She's running a bar. Seventh Heaven."

"Oh yes, I know that one. I might be coming over one day." She smiled and gave me an assuring nod.

"Oh." Damnit. Think hard now man. Do you want her to see that you are married with Tifa, just like that? And you didn't even tell her? Not about the marriage, nothing? She'd kill you right on the spot.

"At the moment, it's not open." I lied, hoping she'd take it.

"Oh? Why is that?" she asked raising an eyebrow at me.

"We, I mean she is trying to have more time for the orphans. As I still run the Strife Delivery Service, we earn enough for a living as of now.

Ashe lowered her head. "Still running away, aren't you?" If it hadn't been for Zack, then it was for Ashe, who had always known the difference between what I meant and what I just said to hide the fact I was just running away.

I lowered my head aswell as awkward silence filled the air. "I guess you still know me best after all."

"Hey." She chuckled. "It's ok. It's not like I am not running aswell." She smiled weakily.

Suddenly she had caught my attention. I was too afraid to ask why, so instead I offered her a ride home.

"Hey, need me to drive you home?"

Ashe head rose again and her cat-like green eyes met mine. "That would be very nice, thanks."

The drive to her apartment was quiet so I switched on the radio. "It's right over there." She pointed to her right. I parked in one of these parking lots and helped her with her shopping bag. "Thank you Cloud. Mind if I treat you for some tea and cookies for the drive home?" she smiled.

I didn't want home anyways. Home to a house where I was alone with Tifa, knowing she would ask me tons of questions I had no answer to. She'd feel guilty that this was not what I wanted. But it is, I just haven't gotten used to it. Right?

"Sure." I nodded.

Ashe opened the door to a small 4-room apartment. It wasn't totally cleaned, but neither was it entirely dirty. I liked it. Small, neat, and you had everything you needed. But a church had been enough for me too.

"It's nice."

"Thanks." She answered heading off for the kitchen. Storing everything she bought in the fridge she began. "That's all I can afford. I am about to be doctor. Away from being a nurse."

"Really? Good job. I am sure you can take it. You were a good nurse. Without you, we'd have died numerous times."

"Just a good nurse, eh?" she chuckled, leaning against the doorframe.

"A good gunner too, of course." I cracked a small smile. "It had been hard back then not to mistake you for a guy."

"Heh." She chuckled from inside the kitchen. I heard the fridge's creaking door shutting as the brunette appeared in the living room with tea and cookies.

"Nobody to live with you here?" I asked curiously. It had been burning on my soul since ever we entered. She was pretty, she would surely find herself a man in an instant.

"No." she replied, not looking up from her cup. Slowly I sat down on the couch. "I had spent too much time with _him_ to be moving on now. It takes long to get to know somebody to the point you'd be this very special person. So far, I'm all about my career before I want to settle down." She smiled at me. All I was capable of, was looking at her confused. It had been rude of me, forcing these images back onto her mind. We had both known him for long. And we had both suffered from his death.

"Just come to think of, we had never gotten to know each other, was it not for my uncle being a General of the military. But, honestly, it was different being stationed at a nurse there, than here in a local hospital."

"I can imagine that." I replied and took a sip, burning my tongue. That's what you get for it.

**(Cloud POV End)**

As they were done with talking about the old SOLDIER times, Cloud rose from the couch. "I guess it's goodbye then."

"Yeah." She rose aswell. "Feel free to come over again whenever you like." She smiled at him.

"I would like to."

Ashe stepped forward to hug her friend one last time. "Take care on your way home. I bet Tifa misses you already." Cloud's stomach cramped. "You are still running around with the errands you made for her." She smiled and he felt relieve. Yes, the errands. Patting his back she withdrew from the hug.

"It's good we could keep our promise." She suddenly spoke. He spun around again and faced the woman standing in front. "Remember? We would be there for each other, just so that our friendship continues living. We wouldn't let another loss destroy us."

"Indeed. Goodbye Ashe. It was nice seeing you again."

With no further words, Cloud exited the apartment. Rushing down the stairs and out into the cool air, he stormed to his car. Driving home like mad, he felt like on the verge of breaking. All these imaged forcing itself back onto his mind. Zack_. 'Sorry buddy, I didn't keep the promise I made to you. I was so broken about your death, I left what was important to you up to itself. Sorry, buddy.'_

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Thanks for the reviews I got so far. I hope this chapter was up to your expectations. :) Please keep reviewing.


	3. Cold as Ice

Cold as Ice

**(Cloud POV)**

I entered the bar. It was dark inside. My hand reached for the switch to turn the lights on. In an instant everything was bright. No darkness to protect me.

I hurried into the kitchen and put everything into the fridge that needed to stay cool. The rest I left standing in the bag on the floor. Just as I turned around, hoping I would not run into anyone and could happily wrap myself into my bed sheets without having to explain where I was, like a teen that had left the house without asking late at night, I found Tifa standing in the doorframe.

"Good Evening." She said in a dry tone.

"I am sorry Tifa. I was caught up. I…" I paused there for a moment. Worry was spread all over her face, not as much anger as I had expected. "I still had some deliveries to do. Sorry I didn't call."

"It's not like you ever call." She said and took a few steps closer to me. I had to prevent myself from backing away, just cause I would usually do so.

**(Cloud POV End)**

**(Tifa POV)**

I was a little angry he had not called. But what was I to expect. He wouldn't just change within a few days. Cloud was never one to call. He would always just walk around anywhere like a stray dog. "The kids were worried." I told him, hoping he would at least understand that he can't walk in and out of this house the way he wants to.

"I am sorry." He apologized again. I took another step closer and hugged him. "We are a family now, next time at least let us know." I felt my cheeks getting hot. I avoided looking into his blue eyes and turned around with my head hanging low and left the kitchen. All I wanted was my warm bed now. Oh please, would you just understand? I felt nervous. Like a little school kid. It had been very long since I last hugged you. Couldn't you at least wrap your arms around me? I kept pondering for a while as I tossed in my bed. Maybe I am just expecting too much in a short time. After all, the affection is one-sided. I might just attach more meaning to this platonic marriage than you do. What a fool I was. Thinking this might bring you a little closer. I did it for the kids, they love you. But I did it for me too. I rolled onto my side, a few tears running down my cheek. Maybe I can't have what I am fighting for. Maybe you do not belong to me Cloud. But if you don't want me, then at least stay for the kids.

As I awoke the next morning, my bed sheets completely turned inside out, I felt better. Seeing that it was already past 6 am, I hurried into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. I couldn't help but take a glimpse into Cloud's bedroom. His bed looked used, but he was nowhere to be found. Where are you?

I opened the fridge to get some fresh eggs as I heard Marlene and Denzel enter. "We want to go to school by foot today." They told me. "By foot?" I raised my eyebrow. "Why?"

"Today is such a nice day. Tomorrow there might be rain again anyways. Please Mommy, let us go!"

I couldn't help but nod. I mean what kind of a Mother am I if I don't let them breathe the world's fresh air on such a warm day? "Alright. But take care ok?"

"We will." Said Denzel and smiled. I smiled back.

"Where is Dad by the way?" he asked me shortly after. My smile vanished. "He-" I stammered. "He had to do a very important job." I lied. I had no idea where he was. I was afraid nothing would ever change.

As breakfast was over I watched them walk down the street. My babies, I thought. Every day was a day where I had to be there for two beings that needed me. It felt like a task I would wish to do forever. Would there just be a man by my side… It would be my perfect little world.

**(Tifa POV End)**

"Hey Marlene, come closer to me. Not that a car hits you." Denzel demanded and seized the girl's arm. "Yeah ok." She beamed and hopped closer to the young boy. "Hey what if we pass by the old apartment sector? You know where we had always gone fishing, near the bridge!" Marlene exclaimed happily and hopped on one foot.

"Mom wouldn't be ok with this. She told us to stay on the normal way, or else we might get lost."

"But it's only a 3 minutes difference. We are just passing the bridge a little more west from the school. That I wouldn't consider _not normal_." The girl spouted.

"It's abnormal, if so." Denzel rolled his eyes but gave in. "Fine then."

Marlene hugged Denzel swiftly and stood still, waiting for the cars to have passed so they could reach the other side of street that was closer to the bridge.

As they had crossed the street, Denzel took Marlene's hand. "Just to make sure you wont run away." He smiled sheepishly.

As they passed past the apartments Denzel suddenly stopped. "Hey, isn't that Fenrir?!" Marlene stopped aswell. "Cloud's bike?"

"Yes." Denzel answered pointed at the black motorbike that was neatly parked on the other side of the street.

"Cloud is just making some deliveries, don't worry." Marlene retorted and pulled Denzel's arm to keep walking. "We'll be late."

"Yeah I guess you are right." Denzel shook his head and giggled.

"Hey wait!" Denzel shouted.

Marlene spun around. "What's the matter?"

"See he's leaving." Marlene turned around to face the front door of the apartments. "And there's a woman!" Denzel hissed. His little heart was racing. "Why is he meeting a woman? He loves Mommy doesn't he?"

Marlene stood there in silence. "Of course he does." She finally spoke. "Come on, let's go. We will tell Mommy about it later!" she stormed away.

---

**(Cloud POV)**

"Thanks for the tea." I said as I stood in the doorway along with Ashe. "You are welcome." She smiled and leant against the doorframe. "I'd be the one to say thank you. You repaired my dishwasher." She giggled.

"I guess I should get done with my deliveries now then. If you still need anything, let me know."

"Of course." She patted my shoulder.

It was awkward as we stood there, looking into each others eyes. I felt upset. Why? Because I hadn't seen her in a year?

"Well good bye then." Ashe said and pulled me close for a hug. Reluctantly I moved my arms to respond to it. As she drew away I turned around and waved goodbye, not turning around to face her. "Bye." I simply retorted.

I felt like I was put back into my teenage years. All the confusion, rush of emotions. That's where it came to me. I had never kissed anyone. I didn't even have my first kiss. I don't think kissing that girl back then in Nibelheim when I was only 6 would count as a first kiss. A first kiss was supposed to be filled with passion. Or so I was told but the woman's man Zack. He, of whom everybody thought he would have had like a thousand girls already, was just the opposite. It was his attitude and his passion to be flirting that made him seem that way. Many girls would either like to 'play' with him, or they were put off by his behaviour from the beginning. Yet he was nothing like that. He had kept everything until the woman would walk into his life he would like to give it up to. His first kiss, virginity. Everything. Maybe one day, it was my turn to find this special woman.

I had completely forgotten to check on the paper where my next client was headed. I had went pretty far north, though I was sure I was supposed to head south.

**(Cloud POV End)**

**(Ashe POV)**

I closed the door behind me and thudded onto my couch. Wearily I looked at the used cups and the tea pot that was still standing on the table. And there was this letter still too. What would be inside? I was sure, Cloud wouldn't have written a letter. Slowly I got up from the couch. Brought the cups and the tea pot into the kitchen and reached for the letter. I hovered my finger over Cloud's neat handwriting on the envelope where he had written my name. For a second I wanted to open it, but decided to put it away. I could still open it later.

**(Ashe POV End)**

**(Tifa POV)**

It was time for some cleaning once again. I opened the door to the room where Cloud would usually work. _When you were still around_. Papers were lying everywhere. They nearly covered the phone. Suddenly my gaze fell upon the picture we once took again. Me, Cloud, Marlene and Denzel. Though he wasn't exactly wearing the happy expression, Cloud did seem somewhat happy. He just smiled on the inside.

I piled several papers up, so the desk would at least be visible. I missed one paper and it slowly sank to the floor next to my feet. Sighing I bent down to pick it up as my eyes met a strange looking box. Dusting it off a little, I figured it was an old shoe box. What might be inside?

I opened it, only to find it empty. But no, there was one single photograph lying face down. I sat down on the cold wooden floor and turned the photograph around. It was from back then. Me, Zack, Cloud, Sephiroth. I smiled weakily. That's already long ago, I said out loud. Twitching a little that I had said this out loud, I calmed immediately. I am alone here anyways. I giggled. I had not liked him back then – Zack. How could someone like you cause a mess like this? I laughed, though there was no humour in my laughter. To me he seemed arrogant. Yet there must have been something very likable about him which caused Cloud to be so wounded about his death. Yes, I felt a little sad too, but wasn't it mostly because I felt sorry for Cloud? In all honesty, I would wish he was here again, just so that Cloud would be happy again. Everything would be so different. I sighed. Secretly I smiled to myself. What would it be like? Was I this desperate already for a happy Cloud? A Cloud Strife that was not a wreck?

I put the picture face down back into the box and placed the box where I had found it. For some odd reason, finding this had made my day. Maybe it was just, because I knew now the reason for his behaviour. Over all these years I seemed to have forgotten about it. I wasn't as angry at Cloud anymore as I had been earlier, I had to admit.

I picked up cleaning again. But after a few minutes it seemed useless. A mess was a mess. _Just suits you my dear_. I exited the room again and left the mess on the desk to itself. 

**(Tifa POV End)**

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Thanks for the reviews so far. I hope more people will review and you guys keep reviewing. Hope you enjoyed it.


	4. Platonic Love

Platonic Love

**(Tifa POV)**

After I had found this picture, I had often thought about the old times. How different Cloud was back then, how naïve I was back then. How I made new friends. I thudded onto the couch and relaxed a little. There was still time until the kids would come back home. There was still time until I would need to prepare lunch.

But time had passed faster than I thought.

As I heard little footsteps running through the hall I realized that I had fallen asleep. Rubbing the last bit of sleep out of my eyes I got up. "Denzel? Marlene?" I exclaimed, waiting for a response.

"We are home, Mum!" Denzel shouted and came up running to me. I hugged him tightly. "Sorry guys, I still need to prepare lunch. I fell asleep." I excused myself and started unzipping Marlene's jacket. "It's ok." Marlene smiled and patted my shoulder. "We will go play until you are done."

"No no." I said. "You better be doing your homework." I demanded much to the children's dismay.

I gave them a one last smile and hurried into the kitchen_. 'How could I have just fallen asleep?'_ it ran through my mind.

As I was done chopping the potatoes and heating the vegetables I walked back into the living room to check on the doing their homework. "Dinner's soon-" I was cut off. "Where is Marlene?" I asked Denzel only to realize that he was actually asleep on the couch to my right. Suddenly he started tossing. Sitting down besides him, I started stroking his back to wake him up. Two sleepy eyes blinked at me. "You ok?" I asked in a worried tone.

"Y-Yeah." The young boy stammered.

"What's the matter?" I asked pulling him closer. He was shaking a little. "Had a nightmare?"

"Not really. Just a very weird dream." He said shaking his head.

"Tell me about it." I smiled and gestured for him to lean his head onto my shoulder.

"I was dreaming about a woman. Cloud was kissing her and hugging her. He left us and he didn't love us anymore!" Denzel talked louder and louder until he was already yelling. Like stung he jumped to his feet and faced me. "But he loves us doesn't he? We are his family!"

"Hey hey. "I tried to calm him. " It was a dream. It had nothing to do with reality. Calm down." I gestured for him to come closer. "Come sit here with me."

"He married you, he loves you!" Denzel sobbed still a little agitated from the dream.

"Y-Yes." I stammered. I felt like my body was getting heavier. Like my arms refused to hold the small childs weight.

"He wouldn't have married you if he didn't love you!" Denzel sat up straight. I was pondering for a moment. I couldn't crush his imagination of a happy family. He never had one and was happy to have one now. I couldn't tell him that there was something like platonic love too. That Cloud had just married me for the children, not out of love. It was nothing but a fairytale. For a moment I even felt like living in a patchwork family held together my fragile strings.

"Of course he loves us." I comforted him and kissed him on the forehead. "Come on, lunch is ready. Go get Marlene."

---

After everyone had eaten, I started washing up. Denzel's words had still not left my mind. But I believed to have reacted the right way even though I suddenly felt like this family was soon to break. Like I was preparing myself for divorce. I chuckled. Alright, this was ridiculous. Maybe I am just tired.

I opened the fridge to get some juice to drink as my throat felt dry, but there was none. No, the fridge was nearly empty. Crap, I sweared.

"Marlene, Denzel! I need to go do some shopping. I'll be right back!" I yelled and fetched the keys. Today was a nice day, so I decided to go by bike. It was only a 20 minute ride by bike.

As I had firmly placed the lock onto my bike I entered the shop. I had a list with things I needed to buy with me. It was not a lot so I could easily transport them back home on my bike.

As I had passed past the meat and turned around the corner it suddenly struck me like lightening.

Wasn't that the familiar blonde spikey mess of hair I hadn't seen in a while? Yes, without doubt it was Cloud. I took a step back and hid a little behind piled cans of soda.

Who was he talking with? I wondered. He had his back turned to me. I only saw him talking to a woman whose face I could not see. All I saw was a white knee long skirt and part of a green top. She was wearing a couple of wristbands, mostly silver.

After what seemed like a minute to me, Cloud shifted a little to the right. It felt like forever to me. When had he last talked to me for so long? It seemed like the woman was just nodding most of the time. Finally I saw her face. I had to hold onto the steel cupboard where the cans where piled up in order not to fall. I remembered that face. So it's her? I yelled inside. You weren't at home a single day the past days, yet I find you here talking to her? What? Might you have been at her place too all the time?

I tried to calm down. No, no. This was wrong. Why prejudge? Cloud wasn't that interested in women. He had only interest in me, but I was too stupid to see. No. He wouldn't now fall for another woman, right?

I kept watching them. Randomly when someone passed by, I pretended to be reading the ingredients of the soda cans I hid behind. As the old woman behind me had gone away I peeked around the corner again. My eyes widened. Cloud had put his arm on her shoulder. Was there even a faint smile? Or a hint of a smile at least? My knees shook. What had I done wrong? Was I not attractive enough? By all means, Ashe is damn pretty. But I thought it was me you liked. I felt weak. It was no use standing here anymore. I was too afraid to face her now. I wouldn't want to walk up to her and say "Oh Hello, long time no see. I see you already met Cloud again, he's my husband now." Yes, a flirting husband. I gritted my teeth.

But what exactly was I jealous about? I knew he did not love me, he had just 'married' me for the kids. But it is me who likes him, no loves him. Hurrying past the two at a safe distance I fetched the last few things and rushed out of the building. Denzels dream seemed almost like he had forseen it.

I sighed. Why couldn't anything go ok for once.

**(Tifa POV End)**

**(Cloud POV)**

"So you need anything else?" I asked.

"No thanks Cloud. It would just be nice if you could help me carry these chairs home. I always wanted some for my terrace." She giggled. I watched her hair fall into her face as she did so.

"Sure I will help you. That's what I came here for."

She patted my cheek and said "Thanks." One last time. I felt my heart jumping as she touched me there. A feeling that had not overcome me in very long.

I shrugged it off and followed her. Picking up two of the wooden chairs with one arm I had my second hand free. As I was reaching out for the shopping bag, Ashe came before. "No no." she giggled. "You are already carrying enough. I can take this." Smiling at me again she walked past me. I just followed.

---

It was only a few minutes walk up to the apartments. She opened the door for me and held it open for me to pass through. I hesitated for a moment but then brushed past her. "Place them down there, please." She said pointing at a spot further away from the entrance door.

I placed them down there. "Thanks once again. Mind if I treat you for dinner today at my place?" she asked leaning at the kitchen's doorframe. Actually I should go back home again and see Tifa and the kids again. "Come on, Cloud." She hopped up to me and hugged me. "I want to thank you for helping me all the time."

I was once again overwhelmed by emotions but gave in. "Sure, I'd like to." Sorry Tifa. I prayed on the inside.

I had settled myself on the couch and watched some TV as Ashe was cooking. Maybe I should call her, telling her that a friend had invited me for dinner and I couldn't refuse? I felt somewhat bad not letting her know where I am or what I was doing. After all, I was holding some kind of responsibility now too.

"I will be right back." I said and rose from the couch. Opening the door to the terrace I stepped outside into the now cooler air. I searched for my cellphone in my pocket and dialed Tifa's number. I was hoping she knew to worthen my call as I usually never called. Though she never answered. I had let it rang for quiet long, even tried a second time. "Ok then." I sighed and stepped back inside.  
Ashe had already arranged a small table with flowers on it and the food was ready. It smelled good, really good.

"Never knew you could cook this good." I stated.

"Hey, try first, then judge." She smiled and sat down, wrapping a blanket around her fragile body.

I settled myself next to her. We started eating. "It is indeed very good." I told her, cracking a small smile to show my appreciation.

She smiled back at me, a huge smile showing part of her perfect white teeth. I had lost myself in their shimmer for a while until I realized I had raised my fork to eat but had not taken a bite yet.

As we were done eating, Ashe swiftly put everything away and hurried back into the living room. In the meantime I had fetched my jacket and was about to put it on.

"Oh leaving already?" she asked. I nodded and took a step closer to the door. "Oh. I was hoping we could still watch a movie. There's a really good one airing today. Or don't you fancy romantic movies?"

Flashes of today rushed past me. Images, emotions. I had actually enjoyed this day. It had been nice. Might I be able to share a day like this with Tifa too one day?

I lowered my head, thinking. Eventually I gave in – again.

We sat down on the couch again. I had sat there neatly watching the movie. I had not noticed that Ashe had shifted closer. I raised my arm allowing herself to lean onto me. It had happened automatically while I was watching that movie. My heart jumped as I realized that she was this close. I tried to focus back onto the movie. Though this fluffy stuff was not what I would ever watch, it was nice. Or was it just because I had a woman nearly lying on my lap? I was confused. Confused enough to have lost track of the happenings in the movie. While Ashe was Awwwing and Sighing every now and then, I had not shown any reaction. I guess it was just a woman's thing.

"Oh, by the way, want something to drink?" Ashe rose from the state she was and supported her weight by placing her arms into my legs. Her head was right in front of mine. I never had such a close look of her face, never looked as deep into her green eyes. _I love you_. The movie was still running, the music was playing and you heard two people kissing. It was what everyone would wait for in this kind of movies, the famous three words and a passionate kiss. Might I once be in that kind of situation too? Or was I fated to die as a loner?

Her hand found my cheek to wake me up as I still hadn't answered. "Uh?" was my only reply. God damn, what would she think when I suddenly fret like that?

I shook my head. "No thanks."

"Ok." She smiled and giggled a little. "If you need anything though let me know." I gave her nothing but a worried look. Tifa. It suddenly rang inside my mind. I was married to Tifa. Yet I was sitting here with another woman who was causing me chills. I felt a little dizzy even. I felt guilty. Very. I wanted to run up to Tifa and tell her that I liked her and would stay with her forever. Or did I really want that? Something caused my stomach to squirm at these thoughts. Or was I just afraid of her reaction? Afraid she was angry? I leant my head against the pillow that I had placed between the back of my head and the cold stone wall. My eyelids were heavy and eventually I dozed off. I opened the door to the bar. Walked inside. Found Tifa cooking. Her long hair swinging around her back as she moved her hands. I remembered liking her food a lot. I walked faster and faster. Grabbed her arm and spun her around. " I like you a lot. I am sorry I was not here. You cause me to feel good when I spend time with you." I said. Though it was not Tifa I was facing. It was Ashe. It were green eyes instead of hazel eyes looking at me. It was not long dark hair, it was shorter and lighter. It was not my _wife_ I was smiling at.

Suddenly I woke up. I felt relieved that Ashe had not noticed that I had fallen asleep.

"Sorry I should be going now." I said just as the movie ended. I had not paid attention to it the last half hour.

As we stood in front of her door, I said "Thank You" again. I felt like thanking her, even though all she had done was confusing me. Silence filled the air as I was searching for something else to say other than Thank You. My mind blanked out once again. Pressing one last kiss onto her cheek I rushed outside and out onto the street. The cold punch of air was right what I needed. I was breathing heavily. Sweating even. I felt like there was something I needed to brush off. I didn't have a mother to feel happy when I had finally gotten a girlfriend. But right now, I would wish she was here, just to tell me where to go. I felt bad. I didn't want to tell any of my friends. No, this was my problem. Though it had felt good at times.

**(Cloud POV End)**

----

Alright, I hope this was not all that confusing. ;) But I had to add some twist. A big THANK YOU for all those reviews. Please keep reading, and keep reviewing. I hope this chapter was worth waiting.


	5. Coming Home

Coming Home

**(Cloud POV)**

Slowly I got onto my motorbike and rode off, heading for Seventh Heaven. As I had made it there, I reluctantly got off. For some reason I was afraid. Afraid of her reaction. I didn't want to feel that way. Guilty over something that's not there. We are not really married, we are not in love and we don't even share a bed. Yet I felt like I was breaking a promise, rather than infidelity. My hand rested on the doorknob for a while as I was thinking what to tell Tifa before I opened the door, inhaling the scent of alcohol and fatty food that was lingering in the bar.

I felt like I had opened the door to the lion's cage. It was quiet. Very quiet. I heard nobody talk, nobody come downstairs to see who had just entered – at 5 am in the morning.

I went upstairs. To my left was the living room. I figured that somebody was still awake. I had to face her. Face her anger. Knocking quietly I opened the door. There she sat. Her waist long, shiny hair released down her back. She did not turn around as I took a few steps inside. Never ever had I noticed that the floor was creaking this loudly.

"You are late." She spouted. "or should I say early?"

"I am sorry." I said hastily. "I…" I, what? Was caught up? To tell the truth, I was. But not with work.

"Been visiting Ashe?" she broke the silence. Her voice was stiff. I figured she was angry. It hit me hard. How could she know? I felt like being stuck in a movie. When the man has to find a suitable excuse for having betrayed his wife. All of a sudden, being married didn't seem this tempting anymore. Not that I would like many women at once, no way, but there was just too much responsibility to it. I preferred my life as a loner. Wrapped up in my own thoughts, not having to share anything with anybody. Just life my own life.

"Y-Yes."

"And why didn't you tell me?" She suddenly said in a softer tone. Spinning around, she faced me. A single tear rolling down her cheek. Damn, I made her cry.

"I am sorry. I just…." I was thinking. What, just? "I was afraid. Afraid of telling her that I am married, though we don't actually love each other. I didn't want her to think…" I paused. Didn't want her to think what? Did I feel ashamed? "I don't know. I am so sorry I had you worried. I just needed to sort things out."

"With another woman."

"No." I retorted hastily, reaching out for her hand, but she pulled away.

"Listen. I know there is no love between us, but we are doing this not for us, but for the kids! They need us. Do you want them to see us separating? I want them to have a life they enjoy. Something they like to look back on. Wasn't that what we promised them? That those events would never come back? No death, no pain, no living on the streets?" she sobbed.

"Tifa, I…" My heart feels heavy. I feel this burden on my shoulder again. I don't want to be responsible of those little kids having their future destroyed.

**(Cloud POV End)**

**(Tifa POV)**

Am I asking for too much? Maybe you rushed into this. I believe you didn't know what it's like to be a father. I understand, you never had one. But that's no excuse for breaking my heart.

"So, do you think we can go on living then? Here, together?"  
He paused. I saw the pain and the struggle. Can you? Can you really do it? It all started out that I wanted happiness for the kids. They love you Cloud. But there's somebody else who needs you too. It's me. Now it's not only about the kids anymore, it's about me too. I had you close around me for a while. But you went. Left me alone again.

"I will try my best to. Please." He hesitated. His blue mako eyes gave me a sad look. "Give me time. I feel like this was all too much. I saw an old friend again. I feel all those feelings again. Zack, Ashe, you, Marlene, Denzel. I feel like my life is rushing past me again. Like I have to life everything from scratch again."

I raised my head at these words. The past minute I had been staring at the clock on the wall. Time wasn't moving. Every second, another word stung like a hot sword.

"I understand that." I finally spoke. "I just don't want all this to break. Take your time. But don't hurt the kids too much. They love you, the need you." And so do I. Don't break me either. You already broke a little part off, when you chose Aerith. You broke another now. Can't you make me smile for once? Can't you mend those shattered pieces? I still carry them around. They never leave me. Each time I see you. I feel this feeling. And as soon as you turn your back on me, I feel this other feeling – sadness. It's like a rollercoaster. I am feeling sick, yet I can't throw up. Wont you already find the switch and make this stop? Make this neverending rollercoaster stop? Don't make me decide. I can't go on living, if you reject me again. I couldn't stand seeing you still. Please, where is my happy ending?

"All I want, is an happy ending. Either way, I don't want this to end in sadness." I retorted and rushed past him. I didn't want him to see my tears. I felt like something was right in my throat, making it hard to talk. The tears streamed. I wouldn't let you see them. Not this time. Not today. Today, you were just supposed to know you hurt the kids. I can take it a little longer. I am an adult after all.

**(Tifa POV End)**

**(Cloud POV)**

Dumfounded I stood in the middle of the living room. No creaking floor anymore, just the air filled with sadness and the ticking of the clock. Might aswell sleep on the couch. My thoughts wandered off. I recalled every word. Yes she was right. But why doe sit have to be me? Why is all this about me? Why does it have to be me, who is the protector? The husband? The father? Why couldn't I just be anyone. Why can't I start over new. Flashes of images appeared inside my mind. It felt like the good old colour wheel again. Colour, pictures, faces. As Ashe's face suddenly appeared I twitched. If there was just somebody to blame. Tifa, for being the mother figure and wanting her childhood friend to be the father? Ashe for confusing my feelings? Zack for having left me? Aerith for having left me too? I felt like throwing up when my thoughts reached the point where I was thinking about a peaceful life, with mother and father and not having met my friends. Alright, there I hit the point where I was too tired. I was just thinking about shit. Bad stuff. I felt a sour taste in my mouth. Sleep. I needed sleep. I felt dizzy. And the colour wheel continued.

**(Cloud POV End)**

**---**

**(Tifa POV)**

Another morning had come. I strode into the kitchen and continued to do my routine – cleaning. Inside my mind yesterday's words still spun. Did he even sleep here this time? I placed down the mug and dried my hands. I left the kitchen and headed for the little office Cloud would usually sleep in. And he did. I watched his sleeping figure. Watched him breathe, listened to the soft snoring. How long has it been since I last got the chance to see him like that? Too long, I swear.

I stood in his room and watched him some longer. I had given up on thinking that I would once wake up besides him and he would just sleep like this next to me. Maybe it is best to let him go. But then again, I would, if I was able to. And I know that I wasn't so far. But I felt a little good inside, at least you were here again. If you would just stay…

**(Tifa POV End)**

------------

Sorry, this chapter is a little short. But I hope you'll enjoy it either way. :) And don't worry, things will get alright again with these two. I am not sure though as for how long I'll still stretch it.


	6. Realizing

Realizing

**(Cloud POV)**

Slowly I dragged myself out of bed. I felt as though I had not slept a single minute. Utter silence filled the air. As I got to my feet, I suddenly felt hung-over. The unpleasant feeling of a burden I was carrying around crept back on me. Suppose this is round two of my own personal hell. I frowned and shuffled my feet into the kitchen. There was nothing in the fridge. Sighing deeply I fetched my car keys, some money and my jacket and decided to do the shopping. As I pulled up close to the grocery store it stung me – this supermarket had started all this. It was here that I met Ashe, it was here that I said I'd go with her for some tea. But then on the other hand, she was just my excuse. I was not happy as things were at the moment, and it wore me out, but I was living my life. Cracked and open, or neatly knit together and happy. It seemed the same to me.

Right as I had entered the store, I saw this very familiar face again. "Seems like we always meet her." She said chuckling. I watched her beautiful lips form a smile. "Indeed, Ashe." I answered.

"Hey, could you do me a favour?" She suddenly asked me. I sensed she felt a little uneasy. "Yes, what is it?" I retorted. "My fridge doesn't seem to be working properly. Could you come round and take a look? I don't have either time or money for an mechanic." I watched her eyebrows furry as she asked me this. "Of course, anytime." I replied. Would be just a nice distraction, right? Boy, I hope I even know how to repair a fridge. I usually only use them for food. So far none of my hand has ever touched the insides of a fridge that were not food. Yet, I agreed. I didn't feel like looking at Tifa, who might not be looking any less hung-over than me – without having drunken alcohol.

---

I opened the fridge and noticed the light was not working. "Is it just the light?" I asked. "Well." She hesitated. "It's what I noticed at first. But I believe it's not cooling properly anymore either. You think it's repairable?" A small sigh escaped my lips. "I'll look and see whatever I can do. But I can't guarantee for anything."

"Thanks anyways." She smiled and patted my shoulder. "I'll treat you for some super good lunch in return." Lunch - sounded great to me. My stomach was already pleading for food.

"So how's life been treating you so far?" Ashe asked me as she hurried out of the kitchen. I hesitated to answer, wondering whether to or not to tell her the truth. I decided it was about time to be honest. "Not that great to be honest." I admitted.

And there we went on, talking about life. I managed to get around talking about my present problem, but more about my past. It was like opening little boxes, without knowing what's behind. Each box contained a precious - sometimes happy, sometimes sad - memory. I don't even know when somebody had last talked to me like this. So much understanding and caring. My body started feeling numb. It was like trance, or being wasted. Your head was the only tool working, while the rest seemed to float away. Some strange noise in your ear, weird look, all you do is listen or talk. Your body is no longer connected to the brain. It felt great talking to somebody. It was like it took away a little of my burden, each time we talked about another problem. I felt lighter and lighter with each passing minute. Lighter to the point I starting leaning forwards. I believe it was because I wanted to hear her better, but in fact I had just lost connection to my body. It was like acting on its own. I leant closer and closer. Saw her lips coming closer and closer. And suddenly I was close enough to feel her breath. God knows why my brain hadn't stopped my body. Or fate felt like interjecting. It struck me like lightening as something was buzzing inside my pants. In my pocket to be exact. My cellphone. God bless the cellphone.

I reached for it and answered, without having taken a look who was actually calling. It didn't seem to matter at the moment as my heart was racing and talking on the phone seemed like a great distraction. Whatever I would have done, had nobody called, I never want to know. But there is always the option that nothing would ever have happened. I froze as I recognized Tifa's voice. In a single beat my heart had stopped pounding hard in my chest. Her voice was filled with sadness, rage, confusion. A whole body shake hit me. "What?" I yelled rising from my position. "I'll be right there."

Quickly I had turned around and rushed out of Ashe's kitchen. I would have forgotten she was still present, had she not run into me. "What's the matter?" she asked me backing away. "It's Marlene. She's in hospital. Pneumonia or something." I ranted. I couldn't think formed thoughts. Images of little Marlene sweating, breathing heavily, lying in a white hospital bed roamed through my mind. "What? Is she ok?" Ashe exclaimed seizing my arm. "Come with me." I said under heavy breath, ignoring her answer. Only bits and pieces of my surrounding seemed to actually reach my brain. "No." she said, backing away once again. "I can't."

"Why not?" I asked taken back. "You and Tifa. It's a….No." she said, gesturing with her hands for me to go. So I had told her. In all my confusion and numbness I had filled her in into everything. God damn me. I felt like I was torn into different directions. I wanted to hear what she thinks about all this, as I had obviously not taken notice of this matter. But Marlene was more important. Upon seeing my struggle, Ashe gave in. She came with me. "Fine."

On our way to the hospital I felt so enraged. I felt angry at the world. I felt like blaming someone because I was not there for Marlene. Ashe is with me in the car and we are racing toward the hospital. "I am sorry." Ashe suddenly spoke breaking the silence."

"_Good dammit_, I don't care about _Sorry's_ anymore. I've heard them all my life. Know what a sorry is?" Ashe didn't say a word, didn't twitch. For some reason her reaction infuriated me even more. "A sorry is a god damn way to say that you don't care enough to give somebody a hug or anything!" I continued yelling. It was right, somewhat. I had always heard a sorry. Yet I never felt like anyone felt sorry. How? Sorry was a word. Just something you would say. The pretend to mean it, but I know how it goes. I was sick of it. Whatever I did, whatever I changed, I felt like doomed to have a miserable life. A sorry had never changed anything in my life. When my mother died I was told _sorry_. When Zack died I was told _sorry_. Poison is inside me, bitter and galling and demanding release. "Know what? I don't give a damn, you all, every of you, put another damn mark on me. You brand mark me. It's like everybody leaves his prints on my body and goes on. It's like being a whore. After a single fuck, you aren't interesting anymore." Suddenly it struck me. Why was I yelling at her, when it was actually my fault? I backstabbed Tifa. I turned my back on her. I felt like I was the teenage father who had left the teenage pregnant mother in one of these movies. I was guilty.

My voice breaks into a moan. The poison is gone. What is back now is my old friend: pain. I felt incredibly sorry yet I refrained from saying so. I felt pathetic. My hands were gripping tightly onto the steering wheel. I sit back, depleted by my orgy of emotion.

Once again my dear friend Zack, I had tried to live your life. Tried to get your – ex girlfriend I must say – in order to hide from my life. What I had held inside had now come to the surface. "I am a fool." I say in a small voice. Ashe didn't say a thing. She only patted my shoulder in acknowledgment. _Just as you used to be_. You'd listen and wrap it away. I hate myself right now.

---

The two of us rushed into the hospital. My head was pounding heavily, my ears felt like bursting. I felt like I had run a marathon. As we had gotten to Marlene's room, I had to prevent myself from falling as I saw that little body in the huge white bed, half a dozen of tubes forcing some liquid into her fragile body.

"Why is she here?" I heard Tifa say. I noticed she was keeping herself off the best she could from yelling. I saw she had cried.

I noticed Ashe heading for the door, as I rose my voice. "She happened to be around when you called. She is a good doctor. I wouldn't have any to treat _our_ Marlene but her." Our. Yes our Marlene. Tifa's expression changed from sad to shocked and back to sad again. She was weeping. "I am sorry, Ashe. It's just-" Tifa spoke in a low voice. "It's ok." Ashe interjected. "I understand you. I can go if you want me to."

Tifa shook her head. "Yes please. It's our problem. Not yours. Goodbye." She looked away, staring onto the floor, allowing every signle tear to drop onto the neatly cleaned white marble floor. I knew what Tifa meant with these words, and so did Ashe. She was about to blame Ashe. Though it was obvious she would be the one that's going to be blamed, I believe it to be my fault. No, I _knew_ it was mine. And it crushed me more than anyone was able to see. I wanted to make up for what I did. I had once read that kids tend to get dangerous diseases because of something that's straining them. Emotional pain, whatever it may be. I felt like it was my fault she had to suffer now. I couldn't go back from where I was now. I felt as though I had been blind all these weeks since ever I agreed to marry Tifa. I felt like this was not Cloud Strife that had been this fool. But it was.

I walked around Marlene's bed and hugged Tifa. The pretty brunette shook a little as I did so. I felt it. But it was a hug saying a lot. It was a sorry I didn't want to say, it was begging for understanding and hoping she would let me make up for everything. I don't believe a hug can make up for it all. But it's a start. It's a hug. Something I had not done to her in a while. I pressed a kiss onto her forehead. "If sorry was the right word to express how bad I feel, I'd say it. But a sorry is nothing. A mere word." Wet eyes blinked at me. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Her face was all red. Last time I saw her that hurt, was when her father had died. See what you did to this family Cloud, it told myself. You ruined it just like yours was ruined. And it's true, I was living my own little hell again. Just in a different way. I had grown to understand that everybody was experiencing bad things in his life. Some worse, some better. Right now I felt like cursing at those that were happy. "I was so busy with running away from my life and duties, that I had completely overseen how much pain I actually caused." I withdrew from the hug and stared into her eyes. What I saw there was a mix of emotions. Forgiveness, Sadness, Happiness. I couldn't tell which was stronger. But either forced a small smile onto her lips. She smiled at me. I had not noticed Ashe had already left. The past weeks had felt like a game. You never knew how many steps you were to take. The dice was rolling and eventually stopped. But right now, I believe I have come closer to the end. Closer to _my_ goal. And my goal was now, to be a father. Or at least I would try. After all, kids need a mommy and a daddy. "I want to try and be a daddy." I whispered holding Marlene's small cold hand. "I want to be _your_ daddy."

**(Cloud POV End)**


	7. New Beginning

New Beginning

**(Tifa POV)**

We sat back in the car. It was then that I remembered how long it had been since Cloud last drove a car. He would usually only use Fenrir. It was only once that I was allowed to ride onto him along with Cloud. Holding tight onto his muscular body. I wish I could feel this again.

I saw him glancing at me for short. Was he just checking whether I was crying again?

Finally we had made it back to Seventh Heaven. As we had both gotten out of the car, it finally felt like home again. A place you would like to go to. The last couple of weeks it had been nothing but a big memory of someone that was not around. I had raised everything that was standing right there in front of me along with him. Along with a man I thought I could get closer to. I suppose I had been mistaken. Or will something change now?

I unlocked the door and stepped inside. Even though it looked just like it had when I was rushing to the hospital with little Marlene, there was something different. Cloud was there again. And I was hoping he would stay. There was still this little grudge against this very woman who had once been my friend. And maybe still was somewhere deep inside?

"I guess you know where your room is." I said in a monotone way before I left for the kitchen. I needed water. It was not until I heard somebody open the cupboard next to me that I had noticed Cloud had followed me. It burned deep inside me. The desire. I glanced at him for short before pretending to be busy with drinking. The light was a little dim as it was already quiet late.

"I guess we should go get some rest." Cloud suggested. Sounded perfect to me. I was tired anyways. But I didn't want to sleep alone in that big bed of mine. It had always been so empty. When I had decided to buy a big bed, I had still believed I would one day not sleep alone in it. But I had. All alone. Every day and every night. "Cloud…" it suddenly came from my mouth. I twitched a little. I turned my head away and placed my glass down. "I don't want to sleep alone."

My heart was racing like it hadn't in long. I know it last did when I was close to kissing Cloud. I felt like passing out. I needed to lean onto the counter for support. My heart wouldn't withstand such strain anymore. I felt hot. I heard Cloud taking a step closer. I felt his glove on my left upper arm. Stroking me gently. "If it helps you."

Yes it does. Even though I was happy he agreed, I would have rather hoped for an 'I'd like to.' Something in his voice made me feel as though he had only agreed to feel better – to feel less guilty. Guess it's only one step at one time. Slowly I raised my head to smile at him weakly. "I must look horrible." was everything I had to say. And I am sure I did. Seconds passed - he hadn't said a thing. Well what was I to expect? He couldn't turn into Mr Perfect within a single day. But at least I saw a small smile forming in his beautiful lips as I looked up at him again..

I strode past him and went for my room. Stripping off my clothes and changing into some pants and a shirt I crawled under the blanket. What would it be like? I thought. What would it be like to suddenly feel somebody lying next to you? Maybe accidentally touch each other at night? I felt like a teenager waiting for the very first time of having sex. I giggled to myself. I felt ridiculous.

I heard Cloud enter. I rolled onto my side and faced the wall, I didn't want him to feel like I was watching him undress. But shy as he was, I nearly expected him to have changed already. A short glance revealed he hadn't yet and was now about to. I saw something that looked like red boxers and a white shirt and then the bed suddenly shook a little as Cloud had sat down. I rolled back onto my back and stared at the ceiling. I was sure he felt just as odd as me. I rolled onto the other side to face him. "Good Night." I whispered. to my surprise he rolled onto his side aswell and whispered Good Night back. Never before had his Mako eyes gleamed like that. He almost seemed like a wolf. It was a now or never situation. I leant a little closer and gently kissed him. I felt he was shocked a little, but didn't push me away. Goal for today complete I suppose. Finally all my tears had paid off. I finally had what I wanted.

**(Tifa POV End)**

**(Cloud POV)**

So I laid there. Together in a bed with Tifa. I had to admit I was once having a strange dream which looked very much like this. Was that a good sign? Or was it just a dream. Something my mind had made up. But hadn't somebody once told me that we express our true feelings in our dreams? Recalling the few dreams I had, I decided that that was rubbish. I closed my eyes. For the first time I felt like I was really sleeping. Not tossing around, not waking up with the very same empty feeling. Not waking up to my own hell again. Maybe this time I would wake up like everybody else. Starting another day without having to think about past events. Maybe this was supposed to my new life. My new Beginning. Though I had often thought it was already a new beginning, like when we built this up, I suppose it never really was.

---

I woke up with no blanket at all. Tifa had claimed it all as hers. I smiled at that sight. Suddenly I remembered Zack telling me once how Ashe always claimed all the blanket for herself. A sudden image of Ashe lying there instead of Tifa appeared in front of my inner eye. I waved it away. Tifa was the one I wanted to stay with now. But as nice as the moment had been, the present set in fast. Marlene. I rose from the bed and started dressing. Searching for my watch I saw that I had a message on my cellphone. I read it. A small smile crept onto my face. That's just so you, I whispered. Ashe had checked onto Marlene again at night, she was all fine and would soon do better. Suppose you felt guilty too my dear friend? I swallowed as I read the last part of the message. 'I will leave this place and go back to my hometown. I want to be with my family again. I hope your life will finally turn out the way you always wanted it to be. You deserve it. Forever your friend, Ashe.' Forever, huh? If I could only believe in a forever.

I put on my wrist watch and left the room. My cellphone stayed behind on the nightstand.

It was so quiet. No kid running around and laughing in the morning. It had obviously gotten to Denzel a lot. As I passed past their room, I couldn't help but take a look inside. He was still fast asleep. The bed beside him was made.

I closed the door again and leant against the wall. I felt lost. I didn't know what to do. I promised and I wanted to be party of this family again, but it felt a little as though my freedom was taken away. I watched some bug flying past me. It seemed to be extremely loud compared to the utter silence that filled the hallway. What would it be like to be a bug that had no feelings or whatsoever? Imagining a bug with blonde spiky hair made me chuckle. Now I am really going crazy. Suddenly it struck me. Ashe. I wanted to say goodbye. Who knows when I would see here again. I rushed back to Tifa's room to get my cellphone. Checking the time she wrote me that message I figured it was only about two hours ago. The first train would go in an hour. Or so I believed to remember.

---

As fast as possible I made my way to the train station. Hurrying through the big hall I searched for the right platform. I made my way through the mass of people. Just how many would take the train at this hour? I cursed to myself. Finally I saw her. "Ashe!" I yelled, hoping she would hear me. The train had already arrived. Damn how long did it take me to get here? I checked my watch,

only 20 minutes. Putting that matter aside I seized her arm as I had finally reached her. I was panting heavily. Getting a hold of myself again I said. "I wanted to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?" she giggled. "Goodbye to the woman that caused, uhm,, trouble between you and your _wife_?" The part about wife somewhat caused my stomach to squirm. "I…" I hesitated and thought about what to say. "Well you are a friend after all." was all I could think of to say.

"I am glad." she smiled and crossed her arms in front of her chest. Minutes passed. "Well if that's all you have to say, goodbye Cloud." she said and kissed me on the cheek. She turned around and left. I felt rooted to the floor.

I grabbed her arm again. "Wait." she eyed me closely. "What is it?" she asked. "I really enjoyed our time." I said. I had to. I feared that I would lose her as a friend just like Zack. "I really did."

She smiled again. "I will come and see you again when I can. I promise. I enjoyed the time too. Though I am sorry it brought you into trouble."

My heart raced. Indeed, it did trouble me. I let go of her. "Goodbye." So I stood there, alone on the platform. I watched the train leave the station and disappear. I went back to Fenrir and drove back home.

---

I closed the door firmly. Nobody had yet awakened. I checked Tifa's room, she was still sleeping. I brushed a hair strand out of her face. She looked so peaceful. All the guilt came back at once. All the pain I had caused and all the pain I had received. Yet I didn't regret everything. I was only human after all. It's not like I signed a contract that bound me to them. But I had to admit that I did actually. I sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. I watched her inhale and exhale. Her breathing could be heard. The duty of being a father was still new to me. How would I be? Would I go and play outside with them?

"Cloud?" I suddenly heard a boy's voice behind me. "Yes?" I whispered and turned around. It was Denzel. "Can you help me make some tea?" Help you make tea, hm? "Sure." I replied and rose from the bed. I followed Denzel outside and closed the door to Tifa's room as quiet as possible.

I started heating some water as I noticed little Denzel trying to open the top counter. He was too small. I smiled a little as I heaved him up so he would reach what he wanted. Denzel grabbed some herbal tea. I placed him down again. "Thank You Cloud." he said and smiled at me. A smile that appeared to last minutes. Never, as far as I could remember, had he smiled at me like that. A smile that signalized love – or so I hoped.

**(Cloud POV End)**

I am sorry for the late update. Today was my last exam. :) So I can update more often now. I hope this chapter makes up for the long time you had to wait. Thanks for all the reviews, they really keep me writing.


	8. Found and Lost

Found and Lost

**(Cloud POV)**

Today felt like one of these days where you wanted to thank the dead for having been alive once. I took Fenrir and went for the far away cemetery where Zack was buried. After about an hour and a half I made it there. These big steel gates wont ever leave my memory. I had seen them so often. even though I had been a coward at first. I didn't wanted to face my dead friend. I was afraid. Afraid – as funny as it sounds – that his hand would reach for me from deep within the grave to make me pay for what I have done. I had felt so guilty. A guilt that had worn off a little. Oh if you could only see the world as it is now. See what I am doing, what we are doing. See what I have become without my best friend at my side. I closed my eyes to take in the scent of burning candles and wood. Suddenly I saw a flash and everything went black.

**(Cloud POV End)**

**(Tifa POV)**

I woke up feeling unusually light. I woke up with a happy feeling. Cloud had already left the bed. I touched the part of the mattress where he had laid, it was cold. I got dressed and went into the kitchen. I couldn't find Cloud anywhere. Even tried calling him. It was as though he was sucked off the surface once again. But after all that had happened, I didn't wonder too much. "Good Morning." Denzel greeted me. I greeted him back. "Know where Cloud is?" I couldn't help but ask. I wanted to see him. Yesterday had felt as though some of the ice shell had melted away. "He was here about 2 hours ago but left then. I don't know where."

"Wow, guess I slept long then." I scratched the back of my head. "Well then let's have breakfast first and then we will go meet Marlene."

---

Honestly I was worried where Cloud could have gone to. When we were at Marlene's room, fresh blooming flowers were standing at the little nightstand to her left in a vase. I couldn't think of anyone that had brought them here but Cloud. So where are you then?

I waited. Marlene was allowed to go home in 2 days. She was already awake and smiling. I was lost for words though as she had asked me where Cloud is. I smiled and replied "He's out toding some errands." We were back in the very same situation. Where is Cloud? I don't know, nobody knows. Nobody ever knew where he was. I felt like put back into my grim past. I was alone with the kids again. It felt as though the light bulbs had gone off, it was all dark around me. Though for the kids, I kept smiling. I would cheer them up, play with them. I did and I would always do anything. But never showed them my pain.

It was yet another morning and no notice of Cloud. I was worried. I am sure he has about 10 calls in absence on his display by now. Why wouldn't he call me back? I grew more than desperate. It felt like a monster inside me, something that would rip me apart would I not know where – my husband. Where my husband is. In between all that trouble and sadness, I had forgotten why it came this far. He wanted to be a father for the kids, yet never knew how. He didn't even try! A voice inside me yelled. Sometimes I really wondered whether I would turn schizophrenic. There was always the strong part that wondered why I wanted him and why I went so far but the part that didn't bother and would crawl in dirt for this man had always been stronger. Would I ever be able to move on? Could I ever let go of this man and have a life of my own? So far, it hadn't worked.

As always I made breakfast, but every so often my mind wandered off to this very man. If only he knew what it was like to be suffering like this. You promised me so much, you gave me so much hope and now you took it all with you. To wherever you are.

But these flowers at Marlene's bed never left my mind. Like every day me and Denzel went there again. Before we headed for the hospital, Denzel decided we should bring some sweets for Marlene. "She's been in there for so long without anything sweet, can't we buy her some?" he had asked me and I gave in. I suppose it was the guilt of lying to them I had that made me agree. Denzel took one of the plastic bags and started taking a little bit of everything and poured it into the bag. "Cute kid you have there." the shop keeper said. He was smiling widely at me. My kid? Was it even my kid? I mean I adopted it. Would he ask about the father? A thousand questions and no answer. All I knew was that they were my kids. "Yes indeed." I said smiling back at him. You truly are my kid. Something about Denzel reminded me about my self many years ago. I just couldn't put my finger on it. Right now, I would have loved to say 'And this is my husband.' and point at Cloud. My handsome warrior who happened to be a coward.

---

I nearly dropped the sweets I had brought for Marlene as I saw that there were another pair of flowers standing there. This time it were daffodils. Only Cloud would know that she had always loved baby-blue daffodils. I grew angry. Why, just why? "Denzel, let's go. Marlene still needs rest. She will be with us soon." It was hard for me to keep my voice calm.

"What's the matter Tifa? You look angry." Denzel eyed me closely. "It's nothing, hunny." I smiled. Another fake smile. "I am just angry about that woman driving before me, she's so slow!" I hit the steering wheel and leant back in my seat. I was boiling. Oh why? Just why? Why did I let you fool me like this? What if it had really happened and I would have slept with you? I'd feel dirtier than ever even though it would have been the best way for you to tell me that you really care for me or even love me. I hit the steering wheel yet again. "Bog off!" I yelled. From the corner of my eyes I noticed Denzel had twitched a little. "I am sorry." I calmed myself.

I felt tired and trashed. Too worn out to think. All I wanted was to be by myself and cry. And I did. As soon as we had gotten home, Denzel went to play with a friend and I only lay in my bed and cried. It was like tears would wash the sadness out of me. Was it just going to repeat itself over and over again until I would die? What if it was me first to walk away. I fetched my book and threw it against the wall. How relieving. Yet another book found its way to the floor. And another and another. I was so enraged, I threw anything. There was noise, there was pain but I felt better as I had thrown the last book. The floor was covered in things. My stuff. Everything shattered on the floor. Like my heart. Each of what I throw was part of my heart that had already died. As big as my heart was, it was not the universe. It would end somewhere.

"Tifa." I heard a male's voice. No doubt about it. "Vincent." I turned around. His eyes softened as he saw me. My face was wet from tears and my hair stuck to my cheeks and I was standing in a pool of books.

"I saw Marlene is doing better. I brought her flowers the last couple of days as you might have noticed."

My eyes widened and my heart missed a few beats. It was him? "Thank you." I stammered pretending that I had suspected it to be him. Hell, I hadn't. It was not Cloud. All the anger. It was not Cloud. Cloud had not been there. I stared to the ground. "D-Do you know where Cloud is?" I just confirmed his thoughts I believe. Yes it is him why I am causing this.

"I don't know. But Cid called me that Cloud had checked on him for some fuel, he feared though that it might not be enough and asked me to keep trying to reach him. But apparently I am not capable of getting a hold of him either, neither is Cid. That's why I came to you. I hoped you know more." I shook my head. "Cid thinks he mentioned something about a cemetery."

"Really?" I exclaimed spinning around. "There is only one I know he could have gone to." I roamed though my things looking for my agenda. The right date. "Oh god." I sobbed. "I am such a fool."

"Why?" Vincent asked striding over to me. He sat on the edge of the bed whilst I kneeled on the floor, tears dropping onto my agenda.

"Every February he goes to visit _his_ grave. It's when he died – in the middle of February. That's where he must have gone. I am so bad….so bad." I cried heavily again. My whole body shook. I didn't stop until Vincent patted my shoulder to comfort me. "It's alright. We know now at least where he is."

"But it's taking him." I cleaned my nose. "He left one day ago."

"Let's go search for him then." Vincent suggested and wrapped his arm tighter around me. I leant against him. "Thank you Vincent." I stayed like that for a few minutes. Feeling an arm wrapped around me finally. Being close to someone. See that someone cares that you are hurt and comforts you. I enjoyed this feeling. Even if it as not Cloud who was the one holding me right now. "Let's head for the cemetery then. Maybe we still catch him there. Usually he lingered around there for half a day. God knows why." I rose to my feet. Wiping my few last tears away I smiled at Vincent. "I don't want to know where I would be without my friends."

**(Tifa POV End)**

----

Many many thank yous to all the lovely reviews. I hope you like this chapter aswell.


	9. Home

Home

**(Tifa POV)**

We were driving in the midst of nowhere – or so it seemed to me. I started to worry more and more every mile we drove. Would we even find him there? Maybe he had left already? What was not even a whole day, felt like a week to me. I woke up as happy as I hadn't been in long and now I am just as sad as I had been at the beginning. I tried to ignore these thoughts and stared at Vincent's hair that was waving along with the cool wind that came through the open window of the truck.

Soon we had reached the cemetery. I shut the car's door behind me and took a look around. I didn't see anybody walking or standing, it was like deserted. Darkness already hit the earth and the sun had vanished causing me to shiver. Too many horror movies had given me the impression that always something had to happen at cemeteries at night.

We opened the gates and walked inside. Silence. Nothing but oppressing utter silence.

Only after a minute of walking between all the different graves, shaped differently, I saw something in the dark. "Over here!" I yelled for Vincent. In a flash he had appeared next to me, creepy as ever. The way he walked so quietly had fascinated and scared me at the same time. It was indeed Cloud who was lying on the floor. I shook him as much as I could, but he wouldn't move. It was only until Vincent tried – rougher than I did – that the blonde man groaned. I noticed blood on his shoulder. My heart was racing once again. "We have to get him to hospital. Quick!" I demanded and seized Vincent's arm.

---

His sweating forehead rested on my lap. On the inside I pleaded for him to survive. Isn't it amazing how weak we get when somebody we love is in danger? How we suddenly try to deal with god? Making numerous promises we would never keep just to make sure that everything turns out fine? I made such a promise long ago, to protect him. Always. I would love him. Always. And I had. So God, will you let him die on me now?

---

I felt drowsy as I awoke on the little couch placed near Cloud's bed. His state was critical. I rubbed the last bit of sleep out of my eyes. My throat felt dry, my eyes felt sore. I must have cried. Silently at night, like I had always done. But there was a reason to be happy: he would pull through. He would be with me again. I would feel his warm body lying next to me again. Everything was going to be alright. Right?

I would have to thank Vincent. Had he not made me search , Cloud would be dead by now. Don't you see how much your friends care? How much _I_ care?

My eyes wandered over the nightstand where all of Clouds belongings were spread over. I couldn't take my eyes off his cell phone. Why would he barely ever answer when somebody called? I couldn't help but feel tempted to check. I flipped it open and started pressing various buttons. Nothing all too interesting I thought. But what I found interesting was, that he had tried to call Ashe. Her again, hm? I rose from the couch and swore silently. And as if he had heard me, Cloud groaned my name during sleep. I didn't see why I still felt so torn. The insecure feeling of her being better than I could ever be wouldn't leave my mind. Just when I had first met her, she appeared strong and determined. Like it was hard to break her world.

Still, I felt she needed to know that her friend was in hospital. My finger rested on the button. Should I? I decided I wouldn't. After all, when we last met I wasn't all that friendly. It didn't feel alright. I felt ashamed. And as sudden as the anger had aroused it left as the feeling of Cloud hugging me on that very same day reappeared. I turned around and looked at his resting body. He was a little pale. I placed his cell back where I had taken it from. "Sorry." I whispered

Another hour must have passed. I still sat on that little brown leather couch. I tried my hardest not to think about anything that had happened lately. Suddenly I heard him shifting in his bed. Quickly I got to my feet and hurried over to his bed. "Cloud?" I whispered stroking his hair that was sticking to his forehead due to all the sweat.

**(Tifa POV End)**

**(Cloud POV)**

I felt sore all over, especially my shoulder hurt. The light blinded me as I opened my eyes. But soon it was covered by something dark. Tifa's head had appeared over me. Her hair smelt great, just like in my dream. As she leant backwards a little her hair brushed my cheek and tickled me. I would have smiled had I felt strong enough to.

"How are you feeling?" she asked me gently, her hand taking mine. It was cold, really cold.

"Bad." I pressed through my lips with as much air as I could exhale. I felt so tired. I wanted to tell her about the dream I had. I couldn't even raise my hand to touch her cheek, as much as I wanted to, nothing would move. I just lay there and looked into her eyes. She looked worried and happy at the same time. "I had a dream." I whispered to her. "A dream of us being a family."

She had such cute little dimples when she smiled. I wanted to touch them. I wanted to feel her skin just as I had in that dream.

"Was it a nice dream?" she asked me, leaning a little closer. "Yes it was. I got to sleep next to you and hug you every day."

She giggled. "Well you still can."

---

_(Weeks Later)_

I was back to myself again. The wound had nearly completely healed and I felt my strength returning. But despite all these changes, the biggest was about to happen now. I stood in the middle of the church looking at my things scattered across the floor. The blanket I had always slept on. The little wooden box I would use as a table. I would miss the scent of the flowers somehow. But this wasn't my home anymore. It had actually never been. It was nothing but my place to hide.

---

I kicked the door to the bar open with my foot and stepped inside – all my things squeezed into a large bag. It was like some corny movie; the man comes home and the woman is already waiting with food. As I had shut the door and turned around Tifa was indeed standing in front of me with cutlery in her hands. I couldn't help but smile. "Well, I am home hunny."

As I had stored my stuff away I followed the tasty scent of food into the kitchen. Letters were lying on the table. Both addressed to me and her. "Sorry. I meant to bring you these to the church last time." she said, still having her back turned towards me.

"It's ok." Tifa Lockheart it said on one of them. There was a sticker on the front. "You know." I began, trying to get her attention. "You married me, true or not, shouldn't your name be Tifa Strife then?"

She turned around and blinked at me. I guess to neither of us that thought ever appeared. Suddenly it had gone silent. Tifa didn't stir in the soup anymore and all that made some noise was the clock on the wall. Tick-Tack.

I broke the silence. "Well I would like to give you my name."

"You-"

"Yes Tifa Lockheart." I bent down and drew the little velvet box with the ring I had bought on my way to the cemetery out of my pocket. "Will you marry me?"

**(Cloud POV End)**

-----

I am incredibly sorry for updating this late. I was in Cannes for a week. :3 Awesome.

Anyways, hopefully you enjoy this chapter.


	10. Truly Married

**Truly Married**

_Chapter 10_

**(Tifa POV)  
**

I was still waiting for something to strike me. Could it be true? Could all I had waited for, all I had fought for finally come true? I blinked a few times, gazing at that pretty ring. It was true, _diamonds are a girl's best friend_. It had a small one embedded into that silver ring. I felt like squealing. But I stayed calm. His blue eyes gazing into mine. "Of course I will." I hugged him tight. Finally this was a hug out of love. We both felt the same. And then it came to me: How would the kids react? I am sure they would be more than happy. I still couldn't believe my luck. I felt like right now another new chapter of my life was about to begin. One that would last forever. I believed in eternal love. I had always been sure that my dad would have loved my mum forever. _Until death parts us_. And death did part them.

I smiled at him softly and pressed a kiss onto his lips. Those soft warm lips I would taste every day. Each passing day, they were nothing but mine. My hand rested on his muscular chest. And I would finally feel his bare warm skin on mine. Feel his masculine body. Finally that man was mine. I took a step closer and rested my head on his shoulder. I felt him stroking my hair. Felt his other hand on my back. "I had taken such a long journey, full of misery and fear. But you were always there. And finally I understood why I always felt whole and protected around you. It was not a miracle. It was not friendship. Not it had been a crush at first and developed into love. I could not find the feelings you gave me anywhere else."

I felt like melting away, melting right through his hands. I would really soon be Tifa Strife. It sounded funny yet good to me. I wanted people to know that he was mine and I was his. Two hearts had finally found each other forever.

**(Tifa POV End)**

---

**(Cloud POV)**

I had missed a few heartbeats. She accepted it. Even though I had been sure she would, sticking to me till the end, a little part of me was sure she would reject me for being such a jerk. But finally I had heard what I had longed for all these painful minutes. Finally I was a true part of this family. Finally they would really call me Daddy.

Each passing day I would walk into this house and know that there was a loving wife and two wonderful kids waiting for me. I would work as much as I could to earn a living for them.

I got back to my feet and hugged her tight, taking in the scent of her hair. I pulled away slightly in order to look into her face. I didn't notice anything around me anymore. She was all that mattered. Tifa and that moment. Our lips met and I felt my heart beat rising. It was warm and wonderful. Something I wouldn't want to miss a single day. Nobody else would now ever touch these lips.

---

I was sitting back in my little office. Papers were spread all over the desk and I had already thrown half of my neatly prepared stack to the floor. My head ached and it was getting harder and harder to ignore the throbbing. I rubbed my temples. What am I supposed to do? Do luck and bad luck go hand in hand with me always? Why?

I was about t lose my job. Something bad was going on inside, I was not filled into the details, but the police got behind it and now everything was going down the drain. The delivery service I was working at was not going to exist any longer. They said sorry. Yeah right, like sorry is helping me much. I have a family now, a family I need to look after. Just some hours ago my head was full of ideas what I wanted to do; I wanted to give them the opportunity to see the world. Everything I could never do. And now, I am sitting here knowing that I might not even be able to give them food. It is damn hard to get a well paid job here. I was lucky I even got that one. Oh boy, who knows maybe I was even part of that conspiracy I never knew of. I buried my face in my hands. I had to come up with something good. I couldn't let Tifa know. Not yet as she is busy with preparing the wedding.

Suddenly it hit me hard. The wedding. I had no parents to finance me, nor did I want any of our friends to pay anything. I stared at the picture on my desk. Me, Tifa, Denzel and Marlene. Happy as ever. And this happiness was not going to fade away.

I rose from my chair and rushed out of the office. I had to do something, not tomorrow but now.

"Hunny, there's some delivery that needs to be done. I'll be back as soon as I can. Have supper without me." And I was gone already. My stomach squirmed so hard from that lie, I couldn't have eaten anything anyways. My hand rested on the doorknob. We are not even married yet and I already have to lie. Whom should I go to? Whom should I ask for work?

---

I had knocked at various doors, asked so many people, yet nobody had a tiny bit of work for me to do. It was close to midnight already and no agency had open either anymore. Yet I was somewhat afraid to go back home. I didn't feel like going back. I wanted to stay here on this park bench and wait for something to happen. Pathetic couldn't even describe the state I was in. I already felt my luck slipping right through my fingers.

"Yo Cloud." I heard somebody calling out for me. Only one single man had a voice that annoying. "Hey Reno."

Damn why did he have to come.

"What are you doing here at this time of the day?" Reno started sounding more than just nosy. "I was just here for a walk and decided to rest here on this park bench." I retorted, knowing already he wouldn't just be satisfied with this answer.

"You look like something is bothering you." Reno said thudding onto the bench right next to me, staring off into the sky. He felt superior I sensed it.

"So what? Are you going to help me?" The answer had escaped my mouth quicker than I wanted it to happen. Telling Reno about my worries was like yelling them out onto the streets.

"Hey man I heard that about the delivery service thing." Reno began and looked at me. Once again everything squirmed. "Don't worry. I wont tell Teef. I know you need work now, especially for the upcoming wedding-"

"How the hell do you know about this?!" I interjected, almost rising to my feet.

"It was obvious man. Besides I had a look into your pockets when you were at the hospital. I was actually hoping for some money to get me and Tifa a coffee, but no, you had none. Seriously you _always_ need some money in your pockets, what if you loose your wallet!"

I blinked at Reno a few times. It was still a miracle to me how we had become friends.

"so…" I started, hoping for Reno to have some solution ready.

"Well, you wont ever find a job amongst the good people."

"Good people?" I repeated, shaking my head in disbelief. "What are you trying to get at?"

"You know. Those that do everything the way it's supposed to be. You'll have to dig a little further down if you really want a well paid job you can keep for a year or two." Reno had tilted his head and smiled at me.

"No way. Reno I can't do that!" I rose to my feet and stared at him, my jaw almost dropping open. "What would Tifa say?!"

"Tifa? Well, you are doing it out of love, there's nothing anyone could blame you for. See, what if you don't? Think a little further into the future. Denzel and Marlene need to go to school too."

I thudded back onto the bench, burying my face in my hands once again.

"You know I wouldn't tell you to do it, wouldn't I be sure that there is no other way for you. I'm off. You know where to find me man."

And he walked away. A few minutes had passed until I didn't hear the pebbles beneath his shoes anymore. Was he right? Was some dirty business my only way to escape? Would I awake one day and realize that it had been the wrong way? What if they found out, would they hate me for it and tell me they had never done that?

**(Cloud POV End)**


	11. Bad Business

**Bad Business**

_Chapter 11_

**(Cloud POV)**

Slowly I walked back to our house. Reno's words kept spinning in my head to the point I almost had a headache. You only marry once and I want to give everything to Denzel and Marlene I never had. I want them to have a father and a mother. I want them to see what I never could. I want them to have all possibilities open. There was no way round. I had to do something. Money doesn't grow on trees after all. I sighed deeply as I had reached the main door.

In an instant I put on a smile and opened the door. "I'm back sweetheart." I said, beaming.

"Oh welcome back." she greeted me from the living room. I sat down besides her, wrapping my arm around her. She rested her head on my shoulder and made herself comfortable. Something about criminals was on TV. It made my stomach squirm. I ignored it and concentrated on Tifa's silky hair which I was playing with. I saw a magazine on the table about dresses and all sorts of stuff you needed for a wedding. Tomorrow I would go and see this man, I needed this job. I had hurt Tifa too much to let her down now. I wanted to make her happy for once in her life. I never wanted to lose that smile. That smile that had caught me since ever I first saw her.

**(Cloud POV End)**

**(Tifa POV)**

I had looked through various magazines. Who would go and search for a suitable wedding dress with me? I didn't really have many female friends. Could I just take Marlene along?

Suddenly it struck me and I stirred a little. "What is it?" Cloud asked me. "Nothing." I smiled up at him. Ashe. Had he told her that we are getting married or did he forget about her at all? Would he want her at the wedding? I wouldn't mind, I believe. I was sure he still had her cell phone number. Should I ask him about it? Would he get mad at me for asking? I felt nervous and my hands were getting wet from sweating. I released from Cloud and sat up straight, pulling my feet closer to my chest. "Cloud." I finally began. He was soon to be my husband after all. I should be able to ask him things like that. "Do you intend to invite Ashe too?" I tried to make it sound as though I was curious but it didn't work out that way. I was sure he thought I didn't want her there.

"Would you mind?" he asked me, sounding a little taken aback. "Not at all." I retorted. "Maybe she could help me arrange some things." I smiled. I needed a female friend, desperately. I didn't want to be one of those mothers that didn't know anybody. A mother that had no one to sit together with, to have coffee and cake with. "If you want her to. I'm sure she would like to. She's always been good at arranging." Cloud retorted and rose to his feet. "I'm tired, I'll go sleep. Good Night." With one last kiss pressed onto my cheek he left the room.

---

As quiet as possible I entered the room we slept in and searched for his cell. It was only a little past 9 pm, she wouldn't be sleeping yet. I flip it open and dialled her number while leaving the room again.

"Hello?" I heard a voice on the other said. "Hey Ashe, it's me Tifa, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." she sounded a little weird. "Don't worry." I chuckled. "I just wanted to tell you some insider information, me and Cloud are getting married and I would like you to search for a dress with me and stuff like that. I know you still mean a lot to him, and I would want you there, really. What I said when you left, I am sorry. I was just…."

"Afraid of losing somebody important, yeah I know how that is. I'd love to help you. I'm really happy for you." she ended my sentence. It didn't feel like she didn't mean her words, she truly was happy. Tears came to my eyes. "Thanks Ashe. Really."

"There's nothing to thank me for. Is it ok if I come round tomorrow around lunchtime? I'm not too far away at the moment."

"Yes sounds perfect. Thanks a lot again." I said, sobbing a little. I felt so ridiculous. What made me cry? I was supposed to be happy. And I was, but I felt guilty at the same time. "Good Night." I said and hung up before she could answer. Something was still hurting inside when I thought about her pretty face and the kind of person she was.

**(Tifa POV End)**

**(Cloud POV)**

I had gotten up earlier than Tifa. Seeing my cellphone on her nightstand I knew she had called Ashe yesterday already. Covering Tifa a little more with the blanket, I left the room and got dressed. Today was the day. I would have to see that man.

---

I was standing in front of some old building. Looked like some kind of war had ruined it a little, but the pink colour was still visible. How could you paint a house pink? Whatever.

I took a few steps closer and knocked onto an old wooden door. Irritated I stepped back a little, afraid that somebody might jump at me. The atmosphere here was anything but friendly.

Somebody had opened the door from the inside, yet I couldn't see a face, only black heavy boots and brown pants where visible. It must be dark inside.

"Come in." a smoky voice ordered. "We've been informed you might come around."

I nodded and followed that man. We went along some dimly lit corridor. Everything looked old and broken.

"Hello Cloud Strife." I was greeted. We had gone around the corner into what looked like a small office. The blood in my veins froze as I read that man's name. "Alastair Hawk."

I never really got to know that man, but I never felt the desire to either. I was standing in front of nobody less than Ashe's grandfather and he was not said to be one of the sanest. The few encounters we had proved that to me. Madness was the only word that came to my mind when he smiled at me.

"I see it didn't work out with you and my grandchild. Poor you, I knew you fancied her a lot. Saved her even back in your young days." he smirked at me and lit a cigarette. "Oh I am sorry, take a seat please."

I sat down into some purple armchair, it smelled horribly of smoke in this small office. "I don't believe matters between me and Ashe matter here. I just need a job."

"Oh I know, I know. I just felt like being a little nostalgic." he said, exhaling smoke. He leant a little closer to me. "I know I'm not the prettiest, but don't give me that look. I won't chop your head off. I know you are talented and I need your talent. But I do have to say, you must be in some bad situation to be coming here in order to get a job. Knowing you, you were just like Zack, you would never come to a man like me, you'd rather bite your own tongue off."

I couldn't help but feel angry. How dare he talk about my friend like this?! I tried to stay calm. Indeed I was desperate. With every word he said I felt like standing up and going back home. But what was there to await me? A wife stuck in the middle of organization for the wedding she dreams of and I am nothing but a husband with no money to pay for it. I tried to calm myself and asked "So what do you need me for?"

"Well, first off, I want to see whether you are trustworthy and really mean it. I am still working in the labs, it's what I live for after all, and I need some things. But there is one thing you have to promise me if you want to work here." he exhaled once again and smirked, exposing his yellow teeth "and live: don't ask any questions and stick to your, ONLY YOUR business. If people interfere, get rid of them. How you do that, is your thing – but I do believe you know what I am talking about." he chuckled.

"Fine, I agree. And what about payment, how much do I get?" I dug deeper.

"Hehe, I like you." he chuckled once again, exhaling a lot more smoke than before. My eyes started to burn. "Payment depends on the job. Some are more dangerous, some less. You'll receive the sum afterwards. Cash. Don't want anybody to get behind this. Nobody is supposed to know WHO or WHERE you work. If you tell." he exhaled once again and grinned at me "it only means your own death. Don't think you can destroy my little business - many tried, nobody succeeded."

"I understand. So where do I have to pick these things up?"

Rummaging in one of his drawers he drew a little folder. "Everything you need to know is written in here. Read it now and remember the facts. This folder is not to leave this building.

I reached for the folder and opened it. "Fine."


	12. Old Friends

**Old friends**

_Chapter 12_

**(Tifa POV)**

I sat in the living room reading through a newspaper. Ashe was in the bathroom at the moment. Marlene and Denzel sat in front of me, watching some series on TV with awe. I suppose it was Mickey Mouse or something.

"So, tomorrow we'll go to the mall and pick lots of nice things for our soon-to-be bride, eh?" Ashe said nudging me. In a moment she had taken a seat next to me and smiled at me. "Oh yes I'm really excited." I answered beaming. Now if only Cloud was around too. I took a look at my watch and it was already close to 10 pm. "Alright!" I said raising my voice a little. "Marlene, Denzel get ready for bed please."

Without further arguing they got to their feet and left the room. I didn't follow them to see whether they'd really go to bed, I had come to trust them enough that they would.

"So, what do we want to watch on TV?" Ashe said reaching for the TV guide. "Some adult movie?" she laughed.

"Is any good movie on?" I asked, stretching. My back hurt a little.

**(Tifa POV End)**

**(Cloud POV)**

It had gotten dark not too long ago. I was tired and trying to do my best at ignoring tomorrow's mission for that jerk that happened to be _her_ grandpa. But in fact, I was happy it was this late already, and I was sure they'd sleep already. I didn't feel like stumbling into either of them – not into Tifa and not into Ashe.

I had opened the main door and closed it firmly behind me. As quiet as possible I tiptoed into the room me and Tifa slept in. I welcomed sleep a lot. Too much had been on my mind. I watched her sleeping figure a few moments longer before I feel asleep.

---

I woke up later than I usually did. Tifa had already left our bed. I shuffled my feet into the living room to find breakfast prepared already. "Good Morning darling." Tifa greeted me. "Good Morning." I greeted back and took a seat – without noticing – besides Ashe. Trying to overcome the oppressing silence that was only filled by the noise Tifa's cooking made, I asked "How are you doing Ashe? Everything fine?" I didn't move my head to look at her but instead stared at my empty plate. "Yes, thank you." she said as softly as ever. "So the two of you are going to do some shopping today?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

"Yes. Oh I'm so excited." she squealed. Suddenly I felt a little bad I had come home so late and kind of looked hung over. I don't drink alcohol, but the colour wheel in my head that had reappeared would almost force me to in order to free my head.

Tifa served breakfast and everybody ate. "I need to make up for yesterday." was all that ran through my mind. I had even forgotten to reach for some syrup to put onto my pancakes. What if I treated them for dinner? Not only to welcome Ashe but also to celebrate….whatever. The upcoming wedding maybe? No that would mean I had to invite far more people.

**(Cloud POV End)**

---

**(Tifa POV)**

"Oh Tifa, come here, try this one!" the young female yelled. I'm coming." I yelled back, feeling a little exhausted. "Oh it is pretty!" I exclaimed as I saw the beautiful white dress Ashe was holding up in front if me. It didn't have any straps but was beautifully decorated with flowers without looking overloaded. "Knowing Cloud I bet he will like it." Ashe said and all that came to my mind at first was that she knew him better than me somehow. She had known him through his teenage years. Did he still have the same taste? I shrug those thoughts off. I knew him too after all and every man would love to see a dress like that on their beloved wife. "Alright, I'll take it." I said, smiling.

We had paid for the dress and were heading for a famous bakery for the cake. "Anything anybody attending the wedding is allergic to?" I had been asked. I couldn't think of anything so I reluctantly shook my head. 

"Alright then, then I will show you some samples. You may also tell me what flavour the cake is supposed to have. Fruity, creamy?"

"Euhm…." I replied. Actually I had no idea. "Any recommendations?" Ashe interjected. Thanks, I felt relieved.

"Oh, usually creamy cakes are preferred, but what about a mixture? Creamy and something fruity. What about strawberries?" he said and Ashe immediately interjected again. "No no, no strawberries, that's so typical. Any other berry fruits you like Tifa? Or bananas even maybe?"

It was going too fast for me. "I don't really know." 

But before Ashe could interject once again I said "Blueberries. Yes." and I nodded. Ashe smiled at me. "Great choice." I didn't want to seem like the shy pride that didn't know what she wanted for her wedding, that was going to be the only one ever.

We left the bakery again. "Oh isn't the weather beautiful today?"

**(Tifa POV End)**

---

**(Cloud POV)**

I heard the main door being opened and hurried into the kitchen. "Tifa, Ashe, kids, mind coming here for a moment?"

"What is it?" Marlene and Denzel asked as they were running onto the kitchen, each taking a seat.

"What if I treat everyone for dinner today? Hm? It's been so long since we've last been out." The children started smiling widely; even Tifa who was standing in the door was smiling. "Sounds great." Everybody had agreed. "I'll be heading over to Mrs. Smith, I haven't seen hr since I left and my mum gave me some medicine for her. Have fun!" she said and turned around on her heels.

"No no!" Tifa protested, "you are coming with us! No arguing!" Ashe looked a little taken aback. "I thought this was like some family dinner."

"So what?" Tifa asked. "You are family after all, right Cloud?" Tifa had turned around and looked at me. "Y-Yes" I stammered, trying to make it sound like I really meant it. Sure Ashe was part of our family somehow, but not that much either. I wasn't sure. It was weird to call her family, she's not more than a friend – I guess. I smiled either way. Let's not start a discussion. It didn't matter right?

"Alright then, let's go!" I felt a little uncomfortable being around Ashe, after all I was now working for her grand-pa and for heaven's sake; I knew that if she found out she was going to whip my ass. Am I being unfair towards her? Am I trying to keep her out of my life even though all she did was helping through all these years? Shouldn't it be the least I could do after the loss she suffered to be the one to stick with her? Maybe the reason for feeling uncomfortable around her was lying somewhere different. Maybe it was what had happened between us.

I watched Tifa smiling at Ashe and the kids bugging her with questions. Indeed, she is family. She somehow became family.

**(Cloud POV End)**

**----**

Not exactly the best chapter I believe, but the next will be better. :) Enjoy. And thanks for all these lovely reviews.


	13. Author's Note

I'm really sorry for the lack of updates

I'm really sorry for the lack of updates. but as I saw there weren't many reviews either. I promise I'll update within the next week. ;) I was stuck with my written finals. My orals are yet to come. But please also keep reviewing! I was sad to see not the amount of reviews I usually get.

Thanks!

Yours Mel


	14. Truth Revealed

Truth revealed

**Truth revealed**

_Chapter 12_

(Cloud POV)

Marlene and Denzel had gotten really tired from eating and Tifa apparently as well from all the shopping. They agreed to go straight home and let me and Ashe go for a walk. I didn't mind, it was long since I last talked with her.

„You know my parents had always wondered whether it had been the right decision to let me go and join Soldier. I went there because I knew there was more potential than being a nurse hidden inside me. Zack was only a small part of that decision. But then If figured that fighting was more than only shooting with my gun. It also meant friendship and trusting each other. And I made a lot of friends. Even though we unfortunately had to realize that it was all wrong, it was also making friends for your live, like you, Cloud. For nothing in my life I would trade our friendship." Ashe said, and I felt like I saw tears coming to her eyes.

"Why? Because I am all that was left?" my mouth had been faster once again. I didn't mean to say it. But it was all that came to my mind. I had always felt inferior to her and Zack. They were great, people I looked up to a lot. They were amazing in every way, in everything they did. Not only were they strong, they knew what to do. I was nobody. I only did what I was ordered to. I was never capable of figuring out a good plan on how to save our asses.

"Why you ask?" she chuckled, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "Because you were, what we had forgotten. You were the innocence. The child slumbering inside us. We were still teenagers - a fact we had forgotten every so often. You were the one that kept us down to earth. And you were the one that allowed me to tag along with you when Zack had died."

"Ashe." I hesitated. I couldn't tell her, I felt like I was never able to. I still had it. Still had the ring Zack gave me the day he died. He thought I might once be the right man for Ashe. But I am not. Ashe needs somebody else. I still had the two rings he once gave to me. I couldn't dare to use them for me and Tifa. It was their love. Ashe's and Zack's.

"Listen Ashe. There's something I need to tell you." Celebrating the evening with a glass of wine didn't prove to be the best idea. I guess I wouldn't actually have told her.

"I need to tell you the truth here and now."

"What is it?" Ashe asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Here." I drew the little box with the two rings. "I know it's hard but these are the rings Zack gave to me the moment he died. He actually meant to propose to you. I'm sorry I have to put you through this now that you seem happy again. But I know he would want you to have them".

"Thanks…" Ashe whispered, holding the little box tight to herself, another tear rolling down her cheek. She didn't open it.

"And there's something else I need to admit." I swallowed. "I'm working for your grandfather."

"My grandfather! You idiot!" she had gotten to her feet and yelled at me. "Are you crazy, You know he's no good!"

"I know, and I'm sorry, I didn't know beforehand. But I lost my job and this was the only way to get some money, I want Tifa to have the marriage she is dreaming of, you got to understand!"

Suddenly it went all silent. "I do." Ashe finally said. "I really do. I know I can't make you return and look for something else. But please, be careful." she begged me. She had one hand on my chest the other caressing my cheek. "You know how dangerous it can get. Please, go away when it gets too dangerous. He knows you are worth any job, because you are capable of it, but don't let it get the better of you. No money on earth is worth doing the business he does. Trust me."

I nodded. "I understand Ashe. I was reluctant at first, but-"

"I understand." She interjected, raising her hand to silence me. "Just be careful. I wouldn't want Tifa losing the one she loves just like I had to." Ashe continued walking, it was utterly silent suddenly.

My heart sank. That thought had actually never come to my mind. "That wont happen. I promise you. Just please don't tell her!" I begged, running after her. "Don't worry Cloud. "I never told Tifa the whole Truth of everything that happened." She smiled at me. Truth huh?

(Cloud POV End)

--

I was thinking about writing a fan fic that takes place when Ashe, Zack and Cloud are still in Soldier, once I might have finished this fan fic, or at least a little bit. Tell me your ideas in it. I'm proud of my story and I wouldn't want to end it so soon. :) One of the few that have gotten popular.


	15. The Days of Soldier

**The Days of Soldier**

_Chapter 14_

**(Zack POV)**

_**Flashback**_

It couldn't be, it really couldn't be. I was supposed to write a report about last Monday's mission, but I just couldn't. My mind was working hard. Why the hell would my girlfriend join Soldier? It must be running in the family. Her father is somewhat intervened with Solider, her brother too and her uncle. Whatever he does, I can't remember, it just didn't stick. I think it was something about an underground organisation. Her mother was the only one not to do anything completely reckless and unsuitable for a woman – she was a doctor. And a damn good one, hell she had stitched me up several times. Ashe started out as a nurse but no she had to join Soldier. Just because Trisha, Ashe's mum, had been offered a better job around here close to the base she went off to Soldier.

Actually I should be happy to be around her more but the day I saw her in this uniform, I felt like slapping her. Women don't belong here. She can't even lift a sword properly.

I threw my pen to the floor and frowned. Today I wouldn't be able to finish that damned report. Angeal would probably kick my ass but that didn't matter at the moment. The only good thing that came off from Ashe moving here was that I could sleep over at her place. I loved her family like my own, it was weird, that I felt closer to her dad than I had ever been to my own. Maybe that's just how it was.

I rose to my feet and left the room. Just as I was about to turn around the corner I ran into a familiar blonde. Hell he had told me his name, it wasn't really one of those names you hear often yet it didn't stick either. "Zack!" he exclaimed. I couldn't help but blink at that guy. He was a little smaller than me, blue eyes that startled me yet chilled me to the bones. God what was his name.

"It's me Cloud remember?" he said smiling all over his face. "Oh right, Cloud. How are you?" I replied. Well who'd have remembered that name anyways…

---

I was sitting outside on a bench. I didn't feel like walking. Yesterday's training had worn me out just a little too much. I froze for a moment when Ashe was running by most likely doing some exercise. It didn't seem good to me that others knew about our relationship. Yet it was hard sometimes not to kiss her when I felt like it, not to touch her when I felt like it.

I liked Cloud a lot though. And I told him about me and Ashe. It was relieving in some way. I knew I could trust him. Either it were those blue puppy eyes that made me tell him or just because I knew that our introduction was just the beginning of a long-lasting friendship. There was something about him; plus he wasn't like the others. He was better in a way. When we had that helicopter crash he was able to keep up with me and he had a vision, a dream. Just like me.

_**Flashback End **_

---

I was back in the big common room. I scanned the place, looking for either Cloud or Ashe. Any familiar face. I found Cloud after a while. I made my way over to him and said Hi. "Hey there." He replied in his usually soft voice and again with those blue eyes looking at me with a broad smile. "Any place to go out to for the evening?" I asked him, hoping he didn't have one. I wanted to take him out with us, with me and Ashe and I wanted to introduce him to Aeris, whom I recently met. She seemed nice and cheerful and she truly was a gentle soul. She'd be perfect for him. Not like I felt like being the matchmaker, but I just wanted him to be as happy as I was. Love is a great thing indeed.

"No plans so far, why?" he asked me looking a little puzzled. Geez, was he smelling I was up to something? "Well me and Ashe plan to go to that festival taking place in town and one of our friends is going to join us, thought you might want to come with us." It took a few moments for the message to sink in but then the blonde nodded his head. "Sure why not." Jackpot.

**(Zack POV End)**

**(Ashe POV)**

I was back home. Kicking my boots off and throwing my jacket onto the couch I greeted my brother. "Hey there, what's new?"

"Nothing." He grunted and changed the channel. He had black hair, pretty long for a guy, but I liked it. Just like my dad, he wore his hair long too, but dad's hair was messy and not as silky. He always wore it tied together; barely ever did I see my brother with his hair open. I thudded onto the couch besides him. Just as I did so, Zack entered our little flat. "Hey Ashe. What about Jerry's today? Cloud would join us, so would Aeris." I heard his motorbike's keys clinkering.

Jerry's was a small pub not too far away from the town centre. "Making plans without asking me first? How rude!" I gibed. He entered the living room and gave me a swift kiss on the cheek. Something that always had me melting and he knew it too damn well…

**(Ashe POV End)**

---

**(Zack POV)**

So we had gone out. I loved to spend the evening at Jerry's. The owner was some old man who didn't care about the law a whole lot; plus Ashe's mum had stitched him up a couple of times so he liked us even more. Even though we were still minors he would always give us some alcohol.

It was rare for us to even have the time to go out, but we valued it a lot if we did manage to get some free time. Especially when Aeris and Cloud would join us. Secretly, I always thought of them to be the great couple, but Cloud was too shy and so was Aeris in a way. And Ashe not mincing matters – no matter how private – did not help the situation either. It sometimes made you feel like making her shut up before it got nasty. Yet it would be rude to the others to kiss her all the time, right? I had to chuckle at that thought.

But today, maybe today, we'd finally get Cloud and Aeris to talk a little more. More than the usual clumsy small talk you'd get annoyed about after a while.

We entered and sat down at the same table we always did whenever it was free. It was in the far right corner close to bar and out of most of the noise drunken people tended to create as the hours passed.

Jeremy, Ashe's dad, slipped me some money to buy the drinks and act the gentleman he wanted me to be for his only daughter. Plus he was still hoping to talk to me about sex. He had tried to bring the subject up in a few occasions but I had always assured him we hadn't and left the room. Not that I did not love him like my own father, it just made matters worse that Ashe's parents had been seventeen when their son was born – just as old as we were now. I always felt like he was watching us, wanting us to wait. It made me feel awkward. Yet I felt it was only a matter of time anymore. We had gone quiet far, but not that far. Something was still holding us back.

I pushed those thoughts aside and smiled at Cloud who seemed a little lost. "Alright, first treat is mine!" I exclaimed and waved for Jerry to come over to our table.

"The usual I suppose Zack?" he asked holding his little writing pad up in front of him.

**(Zack POV End)**

**(Ashe POV)**

I was standing outside the bar, catching some fresh air. Smoking should be forbidden!

Suddenly I heard the door open behind me and in front of me stood our most-favourite spikey blonde.

"Hey Cloud." I smiled. "Too much smoke for you in there too?"

"Yeah can't stand that crap." He retorted and smiled at me weakly. I turned around and looked off into the distance. "Hey, what about a short walk. I could use some walking; I'm not used to sitting on my ass all freaking day." Another smile and he nodded. "Sure."

We walked down the empty dark street. Had my dad known that I would have gotten yelled at. He was so overprotective at times. I was in SOLDIER, yet as soon as I was home he treated me like I was his little girl still. I wasn't. I had grown out of that. But he could not let go. Funnily enough I had always thought guys would be the bigger issue between me and my dad – guess I had been wrong. Or just lucky.

"So Cloud, what are you going to do next week when we have off?"

"Um….I don't know yet." Something had changed, he suddenly sounded sad, or unhappy so to say.

"I, uh…" I started, but couldn't find the appropriate words.

"It's ok. I'll probably just enjoy sitting in my room staring at the big hole right on the opposite wall of my bed." He joked – yes he actually joked. Usually Cloud was more restrictive. I laughed. "Good one." And patted him on the shoulder.

"Thanks." And again something in his voice made him sound insecure. "Hey Ashe, hold on a second." He said and I stopped walking. "What is it?" I asked the blonde man completely puzzled. Had I said something wrong?

"A leave got caught in your hair." He said and reached out for my hair to remove it. "Damn the autumn, huh?"

I chuckled and almost blushed there. Never ever had Cloud come closer to me than that. Me being Zack's girlfriend for three years already caused that. Guys stayed away.  
"Thanks." I smiled and he smiled back. Those eyes – just like Zack's.

Neither of us moved suddenly, we just stood there listening to the noise the leaves play in the wind. It had suddenly gotten awfully quiet. And the silence wouldn't end…

"Hey there you are!" I heard a male voice yell somewhere in the distance. Cloud and me were still staring at each other. I heard footsteps and I knew them all too well. "Hey Zack. We were just going for a walk." I retorted and smiled at the man I loved. Sorry Cloud, we'll have to talk some other time….

**(Ashe POV End)**

-----

I know it's been ages – hell I'm sorry!

But when I stumbled over some Crisis Core pictures and I remembered I once started this story. I don't know anymore what I had in mind back then but I do hope you guys will like it. I promise it gets better, I just need to get into writing again.

Please comment.


	16. Author's Note 2

I'm sorry for the long hiatus, but I was so busy and now that I started university I'm even busier. My head is full of ideas yet it seems so hard for me to write them down. I have the whole story set up in my mind, I just need to get it started again and write about what I have in mind. And that's usually what I fail at. I don't want this story to turn into crap. It started out so great.

Just give me some time and I'll be back to my old style. I just need to find back to it. 

I hope the reviews will keep coming and keep me going.

Thanks for reviewing for so long; I hope that didn't cause this fan fic to die.


	17. Getting closer

**Getting Closer**

_Chapter 15_

They went back into the bar. When Zack entered it suddenly seemed like he saw a familiar face – Angeal. His heart jumped for a moment. All those memories came back. _'You are more important than thatsword.- Well just a little.'_ But he was mistaken, because when this very man turned around it was just a nobody; not his beloved Angeal. Would have been too nice to be true anyways, he thought to himself.

Since ever it had gotten more serious with Ashe, he'd wish to have someone to confide in. His parents were in Gongaga and he didn't feel like talking to Jeremy – Ashe's dad – considering he would be kind of biased as he became a father too early.

And he longed so much for somebody to talk to. Someone like Angeal.

Ashe, Zack and the rest took a seat – as always Zack would take the seat besides Ashe. He had gotten so insecure lately. There was this 2nd Class Solider called Josh who seemed to have interest in her, even though he knew she was with Zack. It freaked him out whenever he saw these two together even if they just happened to coincidentally stand next to each other.

Ashe excused herself and Zack was alone with Aerith and Cloud now. Both did not seem very comfortable. Half an hour had passed and the silence continued, randomly Zack tried to start a conversation but for whatever reason they always went quiet on him after a couple of sentences.

"Well I'll leave you two alone for a moment, I'll go look for Ashe, it's been half an hour already." Zack said and strode over to the bar to order two drinks for Cloud and Aerith. Maybe that will get them talking, he thought to himself and grinned sheepishly.

Walking out onto the little terrace, he spotted her. And she was not alone. She was with Josh and he had his arm around her shoulder.

Zack exploded and hurried over to them pushing Josh's arm away – maybe a little too hard. "Ouch, what the hell?!"

"Mind if I talk to _my_ girlfriend alone for a moment?" Zack demanded – almost yelled. Josh looked confused but backed away and left.

"What was that about Zack?" Ashe asked, looking a little angry.

"I should be asking you that!" Zack snapped.

"We were just talking!"

"Talking, huh? As far as I am concerned people don't have their arms around the others shoulder when just talking."

"Oh please. As far as I am concerned you aren't so jealous." Ashe turned around and stared off into the distance, hands crossed in front of her chest.

"I think I have a right to be jealous!" Zack defended himself and walked around Ashe to face her. She looked angry, Zack though looked hurt by now. Ashe had a temper, alright that he knew, but something was not like the Ashe he knew.

"He has hit on you once. You just didn't see it."

"And maybe you see things that aren't really there. Zack you know you are the man I love, and I wouldn't still be with you if I didn't want to!" Ashe stormed away.

Zack followed her and grabbed her arm, immediately regretting it. He had never grabbed her this fierce. "So what are you going to let everyone touch you!?" He wasn't really thinking anymore. His pain and anger overtook all the actions.

Ashe slapped his arm away and said "God you are really making a big thing out of that are you?! If you really are that insecure about our love, maybe you should overthink whether _you_ still love me. I did nothing wrong."

With that she stormed away and left the pub. Zack stood on the terrace for some longer, pondering on her words. Just what had happened? Where had they gone wrong?

---

It was something around 11 pm when Ashe's cellphone started buzzing on her nightstand. Sleepily she reached over to grab it and read "Cloud Strife". Careful not to wake Zack besides her she slid out of bed and left the room. Crouching down in the hallway she answered. "Hey Cloud, what's the matter?"

"I heard about your and Zack's argument, is everything alright again? You were gone so sudden." Cloud asked sounding worried and sleepy.

"Is that the only reason you called?" she asked a little puzzled, "Well yes thanks, it seems to be ok again. He just really overreacted." She added angrily.

"Yes that and the fact that I can't sleep for god damns sake. Thought you might want to talk a little about what happened."

"That's cute of you" she chuckled and with that she got up from the cold floor and moved into the kitchen. "It will be ok again, maybe. We've never argued like that before so I wouldn't really know how long he'll be mad."

"Mhm." She heard Cloud and wondered whether he was about to fall asleep.

"So anything new on your side? The evening didn't seem to be very thrilling except for, well…the argument."

"Nah not really."

"Aerith not appealing to you at all?" she dug further.

"Well, uh….I don't know, we didn't talk much."

"Then what about talking with her more?" she retorted, chuckling. "You were not really talkative either my dear."

They kept talking for what must have been an hour. Ashe finally crawled into the bed and back under the warm bed sheets past midnight.

---

Someone knocked at the door. Glancing over to her brother's bed, Ashe saw he had left already. "You awake?" She heard a familiar voice yelling from outside the door. It was Ashe's father. Zack started shifting besides her, rubbing the last bit of sleep out if his eyes. "Good Morning." He grunted.

"Morning." Ashe mumbled. Something seemed odd. Was it all ok again? Would they talk about their argument again? Too many thoughts in the morning already. Ashe closed her eyes again.

Silently they sat at the table eating their breakfast. "I wont be coming home tonight." Trisha, Ashe's mum said, while packing her briefcase. "Neither will Jeremy be home tonight. So you two will be alone with Ray, be nice." She added and swiftly kissed Zack and Ashe on the cheek. It was weird at times how much they had accepted Zack as their son, yet he was Ashe's boyfriend. And there were those times when they realized that, like when they caught them making out on the couch once.

"You sure you want to leave this two happy sack of hormones alone?" Jeremy whispered into his wife's ear before she left. "They'll be fine." She retorted and shut the door. He never liked the things that could happen when leaving them alone and he damn well knew why. Ray was only a little older, so he knew what it was like to want some privacy. He wouldn't be here tonight either, probably hanging out somewhere to give the two teens some space on their own.

The hours passed and the silence grew. Zack finally broke it. "Alright I know I overreacted." He shifted on the couch, turning around to face his girlfriend. "But you have to understand-"

"I do!" Ashe yelled, maybe a little too loud. "Zack we've been together for so long, you have to give me some space too."

"I-I..know." Zack's hands fell down into his lap. "It's just-"

"Just what?" Ashe pressed further, knowing he was hiding something.

"It's hard to hear people talk about you. You don't know what kind of things I hear. Ashe, they…they often talk about trying to get down your pants. And they ask me about it, and…you know what it's like with you and all these things."

"So? So…you what? Want to sleep with me?" Ashe couldn't hide the shock in her voice.

"No no." he held his hands up in defence. "I mean yes, sometime yes, but not because of what they say. It's just…just hard to hear them talk about you as if you were an object!"

Neither knew what to say anymore. The silence was almost oppressing. Their conversation still lingered in the air. Reluctantly Zack placed his hand on Ashe's thigh kissing her gently, hoping she wouldn't get mad. It was weird in a way how a simple kiss made her calm down at times.

Slowly his hand went up further, reaching under her shirt. She took his hand, leading it up to her breasts. The kissing got more intense and before he knew what was happened she sat on top of him, biting on his lower lip. He could tell from the look in her eyes that she wanted it, wanted him.

Suddenly a deafening tone went off, it was Zack's cell. Ashe reached down his pocket to withdraw his cell, read 'Cloud' on the display and aborted the call. Without looking she threw it onto the other end of the couch and continued to kiss him.

Sometimes you just have to take the chance…

Had they only known that they were not granted a forever.

------

Sorry for the late update. I had this story on my PC for a while. I was thinking about mixing more present and past stuff, so next update might be the present again. Hopefully soon as my keyboard and mouse are acting up. I promise it will get better, thee is more to this in my head than I could actually write down so easily. It might just take a while. Please keep reviewing, it really keeps me going. : )


	18. I promised

**I promised**

_Chapter 16_

Cloud had completely lost track of time when he finally snapped out of his thoughts again only to find himself in front of Seventh Heaven. All these memories coming back from the old Soldier days. There had been a time when he wished he would have been the one dying there and not Zack, now he thought otherwise. And it made him feel a little guilty. _I said I'd live both our lives. Easy to make that promise_.

Once more he realised how badly he wanted Tifa to be happy. Happier than she already was. He wanted to be the only to make her smile all day long.

He knew this job was his only chance, his only way to fulfil all his dreams, the kid's dreams, Tifa's dreams. It was finally time for the Cloud Strife to come out of his shell and start acting like a man and a father. And don't father's do all they can to protect their kids?

Tomorrow he'd head to the place he was assigned to. He'd make the money he need. He wanted Marlene and Denzel to go to school, wanted Tifa to have a home. Just a happy family with a little garden and flowers. If only Zack was here, he'd wish for him to be his best man. Just like he had asked him to be his came the day that they would marry.

Closing the door behind him and firmly locking it, Cloud strode over into the kitchen just to find his fiancé smiling at him and asking "Can you bring the kids to bed?"

Nodding he went upstairs and gently knocked at their door. "We are ready!" he heard Denzel yell. Cloud opened the door and each of them hopped onto their beds and crawled under their sheets. Carefully Cloud tucked them in and pressed a god night kiss onto their forehead. "Good Night." he said and switched the lights off. Now he was going to do that everyday for the rest of his life.

In the meantime Tifa was sitting in the living room sorting out various magazines – mostly about bride stuff. Everyday something new came to her mind she could imagine having at her marriage. But she didn't want to make it too expensive, they had enough money, but Marlene and Denzel had to go to school too and maybe they'd move into a small house one day. She was so thrilled about her new life that was about to start that she didn't see Cloud standing in the doorway with a sad look on his face. No never could he ruin her dreams and make her sad again.

It was close to 10 pm when Cloud yelled "I have to leave for a little, got something to take care of, don't wait for me I'll be back soon." Tifa yelled Alright and Good Bye back and with that she heard the door slam shut. Yes he was going to come back, he always did and she loved to feel him lie down besides her whenever he came home late at night.

---

**(Cloud POV)**

So there I was back again, back on this uncomfortable chair in the crammed office that smelled of cigarette smoke and Alastair's yellow teeth grinned at me. "Knew you'd come when you heard I have another offer."

"And that is?" I demanded, trying not to drop my guard. I couldn't believe this guy was actually the grandfather of my long-time friend, of someone I came to respect so much. I had to come back when I heard he had something better in mind for me. I looked at various houses nearby but they were all too expensive to be true. Never thought a single house could be cost so much. What about furniture then? My stomach tightened at that thought.

"You don't look so well Cloud, family trouble?" he asked in a teasing way I did not like.

"Uh." Was all that came out of my mouth, he had looked right through me.

"You know, when Zack was still alive, I arranged for a nice house with a garden not too far away from here." He began, fiddling around with a biro. "But you know…" this teasing in his voice again, he knew he had me right where he wanted me to be - desperate. "Ashe wont need it anymore so I could give it to you, as a special gift of course." He winked at me and I suddenly felt disgusted at even considering it. "I'll let you see a few pictures." He said and with that reached into his drawer and retrieved a quiet thick pack of photographs. Reluctantly I took a look at them. Can't harm right?

But damn, my heart sank. It was beautiful, just like in one of Tifa's catalogues where they showed happily married couples. You know, the husband carrying his bride in. My throat tightened. This was the perfect house. For being a jerk like that, this old man sure had taste.

"So where's the catch?" I ask, regretting in a way that I would even consider moving into the house that would have belonged to my two best friends. But Zack was dead right? And Ashe wouldn't mind or…wouldn't have to know.

"You'd have to leave your family behind for a week. There's an old friend of mine who's got, well let's say _special_ stuff for me. I need it, but you know it's heavily guarded and I need to make sure they actually make it here. The last man I had managed to get his hands on them but was killed on his way back. Though you…I see more potential with you. So you in?"

Thoughts raced through my mind. The house, Tifa's smile, Marlene and Denzel. The garden. A dog.

And before I knew when I was back among the living I accepted. I said yes.

He smiled at me. A satisfied smile. "Great, knew you would know what is best for your family. Here is where this place is." He handed me yet another folder. I read it and that place didn't ring a bell.

"You will have to leave today if possible or tomorrow before the sun sets." He added and held his hand out. I handed him the brownish folder back and swallowed. I thought about my mother, raising me alone and then dying without ever knowing what got out of him. Everything for my family….

---

I was back home and tried to sneak into our sleeping room. Tifa was sound asleep. I loved seeing her like that. Sometimes when I came home I lingered in the room some more before I finally went to rest besides her. Today I wouldn't. I strode over to her side and brushed her back. She blinked at me. "Cloud, what is it?" she asked sleepily and rubbed some sleep out of her eyes.

"I'm sorry sweetie, but an important delivery came up that's going to earn us a lot." I whispered. "But that means I have to leave now, I'll be back in a week." I smiled at her and gently squeezed her shoulder.

"But, why would we need so much more, aren't the ordinary deliveries enough?" she asked brushing some loose hair strands out of her face.

"Of course." I tried to smile as reassuring as I could, feeling my heart beat faster. "But if you want a beautiful house with a garden on top, we can't have enough, right?"

"Right." She nodded and sank into the pillow some more.

"I'll let you sleep now, I'll be back in a week. Tell the kids goodbye from me. I love you." With that I planted one last kiss on her soft lips and left.

---

My heart felt heavier than ever when I left the bar and stepped out into the cold street. The night seemed even colder now than when I had stepped into the house. I just lied to her, lied to my wife. I felt like I was getting a headache or sick. I felt so lonely out of a sudden because I was leaving them behind. Hopefully this week will pass fast. As fast as possible.

I got onto Fenrir and rode off. I felt my cheeks getting hot. No Cloud Strife, I told myself, you are not going to cry now. You are the man in the house. You have to be strong. Just do this, this one thing and it will all be over. You will finally have what you always wished for. And most of all, you got the girl you always longed for.

Had I only known back then, that things wouldn't be as easy as that. There was no recipe to succession. I just thought I had finally found it. My very own recipe.

It was a good 3 hours ride until I reached building I was supposed to go to. It seriously didn't look as if it could be heavily protected but I had my guard up either way. Can't ruin everything when I'm so close now.

I checked for an entrance and finally found one.

**(Cloud POV End)**

---

**(Tifa POV)**

It had been a week and freaking two days and I was worried sick more than ever. I had so much to arrange and really needed someone to help me with the kids and I still couldn't get a hold of Cloud on his cell.

I considered calling Ashe and ask her. Though my insides were praying she wouldn't know a thing as I couldn't bear with the fact she had received a call and I didn't, but something small still wished for a sign of life from my beloved.

Dialling her number I waited for her to pick up. "Ashe Hawk." I heard on the other end.

"Hi, Ashe. It's me."

"Oh hey there. How are you doing? Need another shopping spree?" she laughed. I swallowed, not feeling like laughing at all at the moment. There was this big lump sitting in my chest.

"No, eh, have you heard from Cloud?"

"Eh..no. Should I?" Something in her voice had changed, something I really did not like. Tears came to my eyes and my hands began shaking. Something told me this was not a good sign at all. "Tifa?" she snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Eh…he was out on this job and –" I began but she interjected "Oh crap."

Now I was seriously close to passing out. I felt how my feet gave in and quickly grabbed a chair to sit on. This feeling…

"What is it?" I said louder than I had intended to, tears streaming down my face. Quickly I shut the living room's door so the kids wouldn't hear me.

"I…I'm not sure. I heard he was going to do a job, but I don't know the details. Mind if I check on something and call you back?"

There was something that told me she was lying but I could not place my finger on it. Oh Ashe Hawk, don't you dare ruin my family again. I swear, you'll be reunited with your stupid SOLDIER Zack if I find out you have your hands in there…

**(Tifa POV End)**

---

_Sir, the __patient's vital stats have not changed these past days. Think there is a possibility he will wake up from this coma?_

-------------

Well seeing as no one really reviewed lately, I hope you will find this chapter more appealing. Please review.


	19. To Have And To Hold

**To have and to hold**

_Chapter 17_

Tifa was sitting in the kitchen, desperately holding onto a cup of coffee. "Maybe Cloud is having second thoughts… He had been spacing off a lot lately, been barely around either. What am I going to tell the kids?" A single tear ran down her cheek, but she didn't bother to wipe it away. It hurt too much already. The insecurity.

---

There was a loud crack when Ashe broke open the door to her grandfather's office. "Where the hell is he you bastard?" Ashe muttered rummaging through the files spread on the table. There had to be some hidden room where he kept him. No way Cloud would have run away just like that. Searching the whole house, she finally found a door hidden beneath a cupboard. "Always the same deal…" she whispered and unlocked the door with a set of keys she had previously found in one of the drawers.

Slowly she climbed down the dimly lit cold stone stairs until more light came into vision. Suddenly she heard a weapon being cocked at her. "Don't move." Came a familiar voice. "Alaistair." She whispered. "Where is he?"

"He's fine and safe thanks to me." He replied still aiming at Ashe's chest. Slowly she turned around facing the man her father came to hate. "I don't believe you. Show me where he is!" she demanded.

"I will."

**(Cloud POV)**

I still couldn't move. I heard metal cluttering, almost like cutlery. The set of feet of two men. They were talking. Something about a man. A man with raven hair that died trying to escape. A sample?

**(Flashback)**

"_You seem to be doing pretty well. Where are you from?"_

"_I'm from the countryside too. I'm from Nibelheim." Replied the man, his face still covered by his helmet._

_Zack chuckles._

"_Where are you from Zack?"_

"_Gongaga. Same as Ashe. Pretty much known her all my life."_

"_Must be awesome to be that close to a friend you've known all your life…." _

_Tifa…_

"_Zack you gave me hope that it can work out, that it can work out with a person you have known all your life. That you can still find your happiness with him or her. Even though you never had a chance to marry Ashe, I will not waste my chance with Tifa. You said I was your living legacy. I am fulfilling what you never could, marrying my childhood friend, sounds odd in a way. Yet you showed me that love doesn't distinguish."_

"You know." One of the men said. "They said his body has never been retrieved from the scene of death."

"Don't be stupid." Said another. "Somebody must have dragged him away. That guy was dead meat! No way one would have survived this. Not against this big an army. Not even a 1st class"

There was this cluttering again. My heart started to race. Were they going to hurt me?

---

"You know Ashe, I feel sorry for your losses, but Cloud is working for me now. You cannot protect him anymore."

"Where is he!" she hissed.

"He's safe, as I said. Would I lie to you?" he said in an unusually calm voice. Ashe grew impatient.

"After all you did, lying must have gotten a habit to you."

"Oh don't hurt my feelings my beloved granddaughter. I will lead you to him." He said and removed his weapon out of her sight. Something seemed strange about this but she couldn't put her finger on it. Was this a trap? Was she going to get killed for being in the way of his plans?

They entered another room. It smelled strangely of hospital. Was this where they "treated" people?

A man in dark clothes and with blonde hair came into vision. "Cloud!" she exclaimed and ran to the man's side. "Tifa is worried out of her wits."

Cloud was clearly conscious but found it hard to speak. There were stains of blood all over his shirt.

"I told you he is safe." Alaistair spoke yet again. Ashe snapped and punched the man in the face. "Stop it already! Stop pretending everything is alright!"

Alaistair merely smiled at her. He had her just where he wanted her. Doubtful, confused and angry. "Aren't you pretending too?" he asked, still smiling overly confident.

"What do you mean?!"

"Zack. You still pretend you are ok when you are not…"

Ashe merely stared at him. Who was this man to judge her after all he had done, the numerous men he killed and almost got her friend killed. The one that abandoned his family for a sick career.

"Just let me take Cloud with me and we call it even."

"Fine take him." He shrugged, raising suspicion. "You may want to hear what Cloud has to tell you though. It might change a lot for you. Plus Cloud needs me in order to raise his family. And you both know it.

"The hell he needs you! Go screw yourself."

"Just hear him out…"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ashe said, helping Cloud up from the bed he was lying in. The sheets were soaked with blood. "Shit…"

"Aren't you just like your father – my son – always talking about how not to give up and how to keep faith? You may want to do that for a change…."

---

"Ashe…" Cloud muttered under his breath when Ashe had finally helped him lie in his bed. It clearly pained him to talk.

"Are you ok?"

"I am. Ashe, listen to me…" he began, but Ashe had already disappeared into the bathroom to get fresh towels and warm water to clean him up.

"Tifa is not home." Ashe said when soaking the towel in the warm water.

"Zack was never found from his scene of death."

"Don't be stupid. It's a trap, they just want you to tell me that."

"I don't think so Ashe…listen to me."

"Stop it!" she yelled, throwing the towel back into the bucket of water. "Just stop it already. Stop treating me like I'm a lost cause. He's just trying to mindfuck us. Don't listen to him."

"It wasn't Alaistair who told me…." He swallowed.

"Either way it is a trap." She said, picking up the towel again.

"Ashe. Whenever I thought I couldn't keep going, that I wasn't worth much and that noone would miss me, you'd scold me, slap me even once, telling me that I got friends and that's all that counts. But really, was it you pushing me forward, or was that you trying to push yourself forward? Since ever that day, you wouldn't mention him anymore…."

"Being a 1st class doesn't mean being immortal Cloud. Just don't let it get to you."

"See that's what I mean…you never let it get to you!" Cloud yelled, wincing in pain and gripping his right side.

"Don't push yourself…" Ashe said and wiped away more blood from his forehead.

Yeah let's just keep pretending…

"Cloud, I had my bright side, but it's gone now. Don't make me lie to myself."

"But you do all the time. You have your friends, me, Tifa all the others. Why give up? I understand you are in pain but listen, there are still your friends. We need you…..I need you."

"I'm glad you are happy with Tifa and the kids, I am happy you have a family."

"Ashe! You are part of that family"

"No, Cloud, I'm just fighting my way through life until ….I've never been part of any of this."

"Ashe! Snap out of it! You are my friend. You are the only person that stuck to me and even if you don't consider me family….I do. And I'd never take it back. Tifa may bitch at me all she wants, you were always there for me I wont be letting you down now."

"And I would never…." He added. "Remember the Nibelheim incident?"

Ashe didn't reply, but instead stared at the scar on his chest. "Sephiroth stabbed you right there…"

**(Flashback)**

"_Hey, Cloud, what's with all these flowers there? There are none anywhere else."_

"_It's a…"_

"_A grave?" Denzel inquired._

"_It is…where a hero began his story…"_

---

**(Ashe POV)**

I stepped outside into the cool air. Cloud had fallen asleep. What are we going to tell Tifa?

My finger traced the necklace Zack had once given to me. Why wont you just leave my thoughts, leave my head. I am sick of hurting over and over again day by day. You had my heart and you took it with you into your grave….

-----------

Uh I believe this chapter sucked. I had it in mind better when I first sort of wrote down notes on what I was going to write. But it didn't come out too well now it seems.


	20. Faith

**Faith**

_Chapter 19_

**(Ashe POV)**

After a little walk I was finally back home in the warmth, staring into the amber liquid in front of me. I didn't even like Whisky, but it was all I had and today I felt like drinking just to forget it all for only a few hours. The kids were asleep and Tifa was still out.

What would have happened had you not died? Would we have a house? Kids maybe? Would he even have wanted kids? They never talked about. They had been too young.

And why did he have to die and leave her behind anyways? Why not leave this problem to someone else? Because they wouldn't have ever stopped hunting us? For a while I was proud of what you did for all of us. Now, I'm only angry for your selfishness. At least Cloud is having his little happy ending…

The pain you put your parents through, your friends, my parents and most of all…_me_.

Once again my fingers traced his necklace. Should I put it off? Would it make things easier for me? Everytime I look into the mirror, it reminds me of the day you gave it to me. Shortly before you died.

I gulped down the rest and reached for the bottle again. It was almost half empty. Or should I say only half full?

"Remember when we were in Nibelheim?" I recalled Cloud's words. I do…

"_Hey Ashe, that old man seems to need some help. Mind checking on him?" Zack said pointing at a man__ sitting in front of a shack with ragged clothes. "Sure." I answered._

"_Sir, are you alright?" Ashe asked, kneeling down in front of the man._

"_Oh don't worry about me young lady, I'm just a man sitting here awaiting my death." He said, sounding like a man that had smoked all his life._

"_Are you sure you don't need anything? I'm a…I'm a nurse too you know."_

"_No thank you."_

"_A pretty bird you have there." Zack said, kneeling down besides Ashe. Even kneeling Zack still seemed incredibly tall._

"_Oh yes. They are very loyal. It's been with me for years now. Story goes once they choose someone to stay with, they will die along with his death."_

_Suddenly the man stared at Ashe, his eyes watery. "You ok?" Zack rushed to his side. Suddenly the man began shaking._

"_Hold his head!" Ashe exclaimed and tried to prevent the man from hurting himself. After a few seconds it suddenly stopped and the man lay restless in Zack's muscular arms. In an instant he began whispering. "I see a bad future, I see grief and I see a happy end." Then the man went unconscious._

Finally I got up from my chair and headed for my bed, embracing the warmth inside me. It had been too long that I was alone in my bed. But as sleep wouldn't come I went for a walk in the nearby park. Just dragging myself around, desperately trying to keep my thoughts away from the man I loved. It was hard. I had known him through all my teenage years, which were as bumpy as they could possibly be, and now as a grown-up I was supposed to be on my own, without the assurance that there was someone to return to. Someone to love. Someone who would no matter what hug you just to make you feel better. How long has it been since someone close to me hugged me. I can't tell. Suddenly I saw a man in dark clothes with blonde hair. Had I not known that Cloud was in bed sleeping, I'd have said it was him. To my surprise it was my spiky haired blonde. Dammit, Cloud!

It felt strange to suddenly meet him here. "Hey what are you doing here?"

"I've been lying around for too long, I needed to move my feet." He replied, staring into the distance.

"Cloud, you should really rest." I replied, concerned. He had been through a lot. And my fear was that it wasn't over, not as long as he wanted to give Tifa the marriage and the life he felt she deserved. Why couldn't I have a man like that, a man that would do so much for me and not just die for the greater good.

Suddenly I heard a bird's wings and it soared past me, almost flew into me. "God dammit, you are supposed to fly in the air not down here!" I exclaimed, earning strange looks from people around me. Cloud chuckled but immediately gripped his side again. As I followed the bird's path, it almost seemed like it was the same bird. Which couldn't have been…not after all these years. Please, don't let it be real, I silently begged. Don't make my heart bleed more than it already does.

"Seen that bird?" he asked me, still not facing me. "It seems familiar."

I took a deep breath and finally it all came out. "Ok, know what Cloud, stop trying to be my therapist! You miss him just as much as I do. But stop, _stop_, trying to grasp at straws here. He is dead and you know it, _hell you were there_!"

Still he wouldn't face me. What was going on with him? Why was he suddenly so determined to find someone who we both knew was dead. Or was it fear of the upcoming marriage and the fact he didn't know how to afford it all? Please, Cloud, don't let it out on me.

"I found something in my old stuff. Zack's death certificate."

My heart skipped a few beats. Never ever had I seen it. Hell, I refused to see it. I didn't even have a body to bury…

"It doesn't apply with what I saw. Not even his height or anything is as it should be." He continued silently.

"As I said…"

"No Ashe!" he finally faced me, looking angry and sad. "These aren't his stats. It's Kunsel's."

"Cloud are you sure…"

"I am!"

"No I mean are you sure you are fine? Hell, you had severe blood loss, they could trick you into anything!"

"No Ashe… I checked with the old data. Plus the day Zack was supposed to have died is two days too late. I was there when he supposedly died!"

I couldn't believe what he was saying. Cloud, you are making things up. What is dead, is dead!

"Look at it!" he said handing me the file. I couldn't turn away from all the scars in his face. Cloud…

I took a look at it. I couldn't believe my eyes. I knew Zack's bloodtype as we both had the same and we were sort of ready to donate for each other. And the certificate was verified by a man I knew by name but not by face. And I damn sure knew that handwriting.

"Cloud…are you sure you want to stir it all up again?"  
"Ashe… remember that man? Remember what he said back in Nibelheim? What if it is true, what if there is grief and then the happy ending? What is there to lose? All you can find is closure."

I let his thoughts sink in for a few minutes, staring at that certificate. Could it be? Could that man really have been right? Hell, how am I supposed to believe this? I always only believed in what I could feel, or see.

"I say we go grab Alaistair and drag him with us. He knew you wouldn't believe him." Cloud suggested.  
"Are you nuts? My grandfather, for all he did to you you wants me to drag him with us all the way back to Nibelheim?"

"As I said, what is there to lose. He's probably dead soon. He's got cancer Ashe."

"Ok." I said, laughing. "He's so had you. " I ripped the paper apart. "This is a trap as I predicted."

"Remember the name Joseph Stein by any chance? He was the patient you were supposed to look at"

"Yeah so?"

"It was Alaistair Hawk."

"Cloud, you better get back to bed. It's getting cold here."

He came a few steps with me, then he suddenly stopped, withdrawing yet another sheet of paper.

"I got his tag." Cloud suddenly said.

Showing me the tag attached to the patients arm with Alaistair's name and the matching number on the paper, I suddenly dropped it. This couldn't be. Why can't I just live my life?

"I take it, he wants to make up for what he did all these years. Give him a chance, for he might have just granted you the chance of finding the person you love."

"Cloud, what ever they did to you, let's just stop it here."

"Ashe, you are just afraid!"

"Yes…" I said my lips shaking. "I am."

"Then why not try and find out. What else is there to do right now? Plus, he might save me and you at once. Let a man rest in peace."

"Ok, idiot, what's your plan?"

"Pick up Alaistair and head for Nibelheim, find that man and see where it takes us."

"Know what old man, if you die up there, I'm so not dragging you back here." Ashe said storming away. "This is ridiculous."

_Zack if you are out there…give me a sign._

"Why are you even here with me Cloud? You got Tifa, the kids. Why bother with me?" I was blunt enough to ask.

It was silent until Cloud answered, "Because you always wanted me to confess my feelings for Tifa. And I did. So the least I can do is helping you accomplish your dream."

"Dream? It's rather….imagination I thought you wanted to be a father to Denzel and Marlene, why are you here then?" I had gotten pissed off about this stupid trip.

"Wouldn't a father want their children to know that you have to earn 'something'?".

That's when I started thinking. I didn't talk back. My father, was he like that? Was he like Cloud? Insecure yet loving a woman and doing all he could for his kids? Was that what it was like?

"Have some faith Ashe." _Please don't let this be a mistake…._


	21. Closure

**Closure**

_Chapter 20_

**(Ashe POV)**

We had travelled for what seemed like hours. My feet were starting to hurt and the sun would be completely gone soon. "Let's find a place to stay." Cloud suggested and I happily agreed. Maybe tomorrow I could convince him to go back home and bury Zack forever. Let a hero rest in peace….

"There's a motel over there." Alastair pointed out. In fact it was an old shack that only said "Motel". Guess in his days it was all he had.

"Alright, let's see if they have rooms for us." Cloud said and headed for the dimly lit shack. "Yeah separate rooms hopefully." I said glaring at Alastair.

And indeed they had 3 separate rooms. I was longing for a shower so much. Finally having gotten undressed and out of my dirty boots I embraced the hot water running down my body. Heating me up just as Zack's heat had when he was cuddling up tome in bed. Though today, I'd sleep alone. Yet again.

**(Ashe POV End)**

Cloud kept tossing and turning in his bed. He so wanted Ashe to be happy, wanted to believe that this wasn't for nothing. But he had to admit that he was clueless. He had no plan whatsoever. And Tifa and the kids were probably at home safe and sound. He missed her warmth near him, missed how her hair sometimes covered her face completely. Missed kissing Marlene and Denzel goodbye and maybe even tell them a goodnight story. Usually they'd ask for stories from SOLDIER, but how can you tell two little kids about thus cruel life he had before. As much as he enjoyed it back then, thinking about it now, it only brought misery. And it brought pain to a person he cared about.

He couldn't let her down. He just had to keep on going.

"You are just running away from your own problems now aren't you?" Alastair was standing in the doorway, the bit of light coming from outside made his wrinkles more apparent than ever. He was a dying man with one last chance to make it right. A chance that might not even be there.

Had he been running? Running from the fact he could not provide the home he'd wish for Tifa so much?

"Maybe. Maybe not. Good Night Alastair." I said and turned around facing the opposite direction.

"You are a good friend Cloud, and I do believe that your and Ashe's answers can be found here." Were his words before he disappeared gently closing the door.

Don' you be wrong old man….

The sun had risen and it was warmer than yesterday, as if to make everyone feel happier and more enlightened. Their journey was about to continue. Further up that hill, further up to the hopeful truth of Zack's death.

It had been another hours' walk until they reached the next little hat. But this time it was just some old senile lady who couldn't provide them shelter, let alone even remember their names for longer than 15 minutes. "Always meeting new people…" Ashe thought to herself knowing that it was actually a sort of rude remark.

So they had to sleep outside. Cloud was left to be the one building up a tent, as Alastair couldn't handle it with his back and Ashe had left for 'The ladies room'.

**(Ashe POV)**

In fact I was lying and just wanted to get away. Wanted to enjoy the nature in its beauty without being disturbed. Wanted to think about what might or might not be ahead and how everyone at home might be. It seemed like I had lost touch with everyone lately. I didn't want to interfere with Cloud's new life, yet I knew that if he finally got the marriage over with, she would be out of the picture. Had to be.

This painful feeling behind her eyes returned and the tears kept rolling. This was it, this was going to be over soon. No more camping with Cloud and even less with Zack.

Suddenly I heard something and a bird almost hit me. "Stupid thing! You re supposed to fly in the air!" I yelled furiously. "Seriously what's wrong with birds these days…."

**(Ashe POV End)**

Back then it hadn't occurred to anyone whose bird that was. Ashe had returned and happily slipped into her sleeping back, hoping desperately Alastair wasn't a snorer. Much to her dismay, he was.

The next morning another hours' walk awaited them and Ashe was getting impatient. "Know what Cloud, let's cancel this stupid trip and get our asses back home where no bug is going to bite me. You have a marriage coming up and I have a flat to find for myself."

"The hell!" Cloud yelled dropping his backpack next to his feet. "I am not going to throw you out just because I marry! The kids love you."

"Eh…so?" Ashe inquired. "You will have a family now and I don't want to be in the way of that."

"You are family! The kids love you. They consider you their aunt."

"Alright, know what you two, break it up, let's drag our asses up to that old geezer. And please in time before I will jump of the next rock just to escape you two bickering!" Alastair interfered.

So they carried on, Ashe and Cloud obviously at war at the moment.

Eventually they did find that old house they once met this old man with his bird.

Cloud knocked and after a few minutes wait – Ashe already wanted to bail – somebody opened. It was that very said man.

"I knew you would return one day." He said smiling. "And I also know why you came. But I am sorry I have no answers to provide."

All their hearts sank. All this for nothing?

"I told you all there was to tell when you first came here. I want you, to remember this moment."

"_Hold his head!" Ashe exclaimed and tried to prevent the man from hurting himself. After a few seconds it suddenly stopped and the man lay restless in Zack's muscular arms. In an instant he began whispering. "I see a bad future, I see grief and I see a happy end." Then the man went unconscious._

Suddenly Cloud's cell rang. Reluctantly he picked up seeing it was Tifa calling.

"Cloud! You need to come back, something's happened. It seems we are at war!" then the call broke off.

"_I want you, to remember this moment…."__ In a far away distance there was a bird howling._


	22. Author's Note 3

**Author's note:**

Sorry to say so, but it's no fun updating this piece if nobody wants to review anymore. The end is near anyways, so I was thinking either to end it for real or to continue if people like my ideas. But it might come to and end even earlier.

And I wanted to add that for whatever changes they did, my stories don't look as formatted as they originally did, so it might be a little confusing when there is a scene change.


	23. Goodbye, but not Farewell

**Goodbye, but not Farewell**

_Chapter 21_

Cloud's face froze. Horror was written all over it. What had happened? War? Why? How?

Too many thoughts and too little answers. All he knew was that he had to get back, had to help his family. Even if it meant abandoning this here. The search for Zack_. Sorry Ashe_…

"We have to return! Something has happened. Tifa says we are at war!" Cloud yelled and suddenly every pair of eye was fixated on him.

"What happened?" Alastair inquired, but all Cloud could answer was "No idea." But Tifa did seem very upset. Cloud's heart was racing, his palms sweaty.

For a moment he had to be selfish. _Why did I leave Tifa for Ashe's dead boyfriend? Why risk them being in danger when Ashe doesn't want to be here anyways? _None of his thoughts made sense. All he knew was that he had to be back with his family. _His_ family.

There were too many thoughts clouding his thinking. "We are going back." Cloud said facing the floor as if he was trying to find something there. Some sort of clue.

Neither Alastair nor Ashe said No.

Having forgotten for a moment why she was up there, up on this hill, she turned around to focus on that very old man that seemed to hold so many grief and secrets. She was struggling inside whether to stay with him as he was seemingly dying, but decided to go with her friends. _I am sorry Zack, but I believe all is lost. I can't chase a ghost… It is time to say goodbye._

They made their way back to Nibelheim as quickly as possible. Weather had gotten nastier, rainier and windier, which delayed them more than they had thought. Finally after many hours they recognized Nibelheim's outskirts and soon they found themselves close to the market place where it was only a minute's trip to 7th Heaven.

"Anyone there?" Cloud yelled as he slammed the door to the bar open.

"Oh thank god you are here!" Tifa said with a tearstained face as she clung tightly to Cloud. She shortly glimpsed at Ashe. Partly in an apologetic way, partly in an angry way.

It wasn't long until Marlene and Denzel followed. The family was reunited.

"_Theirs is, mine's not."_ Ashe silently thought but smiled at the two kids anyways. What right did she have to wish bad on others just because her love died in battle.

"So what happened?" Cloud asked, finally freeing from Tifa's tight hug.

"I don't really know. Suddenly shops blew up, bombs were laid. I don't even know who is doing this!" Tifa explained, her face clearly indicating she feared they'd be next.

"We will be ok." Cloud said, caressing her face. "We will handle this."

And by we, he meant him, Ashe and whoever was available to fight.

Ahse's selfish side was about to surface yet again.

(Ashe's POV)

I need to save your ass again, right Cloud? So you can be happy with your family whilst I have to be on my own. Do you even think about those around you? It's not all about you. You might have been lost once but now you have found what you always wanted. What about sharing this. What about sharing the love…the gratitude. Neither of us wants to die, but if we do, we are not leaving someone behind. Only you do.

I felt horrible for what I was thinking, but part of me was mad. Part of me was jealous. I might have started out as the girl that had given up on her love, but inside I had come to believe that he was still out there. You, Cloud, made me believe. Now I am back to giving up on believing and saving someone's ass.

But either way, he was my friend, he was always loyal and he tried to make me feel better. I owed him more than I could imagine right now.

Another bomb went off somewhere, The glasses in the cupboard were slightly shaking. Marlene shrieked.

(Ashe's POV End)

Cloud reached for his sword. "We have to go out there and fix this."

Everyone was staring intently at him, but it was already decided. Either they went and fought or they'd go down right here and now. And deep back in his head Alastair knew that Cloud had said these words to make his kids feel like he was the father he never had. The protector.

Ashe smiled at him, indicating that she was ready to kick some asses. "You are the man!" she exclaimed and reached for her guns. "Let's do it!"

xxx

There were a bunch of men dressed in black. A few women among them, judging from their figure. Most of them wore masks, some didn't bother. Yes, it was war. They had just killed an old man, gunshot wound to the head. And all they did was dropping his motionless body to bleed out on the streets.

Cloud drew his sword and tried to stop some bullets from hitting the building he was standing in front of. Ashe was a close-combat fighter and ran right into the crowd, taking a few down.

It was then that Alastair yelled "They are taking them!"

Cloud had no idea what he was talking about, but ran to their rescue.

They had broken into 7th Heaven and had taken Tifa and the kids, loading them onto their truck.

Cloud almost dropped his sword at this horrible scene. His mouth felt parched and his legs wobbly.

Time had seemed to stop.

Quickly he sprinted towards them yelling for them to stop.

Suddenly he heard a gun going off, the bullet hitting flesh. In the corner of his eyes he saw someone falling to the floor. All he saw was light hair. But he had to get to Tifa, Marlene and Denzel.

And as he was running towards the truck that had already started its engine and was about to drive away there was a bullet soaring past him.

"Don't worry, they wont get far with a flat tire." He heard a female voice saying, pressing the words out with her last strength. The one he had heard before. It was Ashe, lying in a puddle of blood besides him. She had a gunshot wound to her abdomen. Blood was streaming. _If this is it, if I am going to die here and now, I'd love to have one last hour with you, one last moment to see your face, touch you, feel the love. I'd give it all. I'd give it for you…._

"_You wont have to go that far…" _someone whispered just when Ashe felt a hand pressing something onto her wound._ Who are you?_

Cloud was frozen to the spot. He didn't even notice Tifa running up to him to embrace him in a hug. _It can't be…_

x x x x x x x x x x x

Sorry if this chapter sucked or seemed rushed. I guess I am blocked lately.


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